You know, those little nuggets of wisdom or nonsense that we’ve all heard at some point. We’ve gathered a bunch of people who are itching to spill the beans on these age-old phrases. From the ones that make us nod knowingly to the ones that make us scratch our heads, nothing is off-limits.
You’re in for some real talk about whether these sayings hold water or if they’re just, well, a bunch of baloney. Get ready to hear what people really think about these words of wisdom (or not-so-wisdom).
Happy wife happy life. Both people need to be happy in a relationship. Happy spouse happy house.
“Money can’t buy happiness.”
Poverty can’t buy anything.
“Looks don’t matter.”
They do. Not always, not completely, but they very much do matter. Humans are kind of superficial in that regard.
“Blood is thicker than water.”
Said by abusive family members to guilt people into being loyal to toxic behavior.
“The Customer is Always Right.” Because half of it’s missing. The full truism is “The Customer is Always Right in matters of taste.“
Guy wants a pint of half Baileys, half orange juice? He’s paying…
Lady wants to wear a raw turkey as a hat? You do you love…
What it doesn’t mean is that Kyle and Karen get free reign to treat people like sh*t because they happen to be handing over money at some stage of the interaction.
“Only the guilty explain themselves.” Sure they do, because wrongly accusing someone can do plenty of harm!
Also, “the innocent have nothing to fear”. “The innocent have a lot to fear, mostly from the guilty, but in the long term even more so from people who say things like “the innocent have nothing to fear” ~ Sir Terry Pratchett
‘If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best
This is like toxic relationship starter pack stuff.
I tell my 7-year-old son “If you tell me the truth the punishment isn’t as bad” When he follows through he still gets punished, but I explain what would have happened if he lied. Tell the truth? 10 min time out in the corner. Lie? Grounded for the entire night. Works pretty well.
“Good things come to those who wait.”
Try waiting your whole life and see what comes to you.
‘The lightning never strikes twice in the same spot’
Yes, it does. Especially if that spot is a high metal structure, it will be struck twice, even more than just two times.
“Sleep is for the weak” or “I’ll sleep when I die” Well actually, not sleeping is making you weaker and decreasing your lifespan as you gloat about it right now. Sleep is essential for people.
“It doesn’t matter who started it.”
Of course, it f*cking does. Even legally the concept of who did what first is recognised as vital.
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea”
You know what else there’s plenty of in the sea? Trash.
Be yourself.
If you a f*cking a**h*le and even the nice people hate you, then you should f*cking change and not be yourself.
‘What doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger’….. bull. 2x cancer survivor here, it sure didn’t make me any stronger…
“Never go to sleep angry.”
Nonsense. Sleep it off. We’ll both feel better in the morning. I’m not giving up sleep to fight.
“Dogs always know [when someone is bad news].” No, Brittany, they don’t. It’s an animal, not an evil detector or a moral compass. It would love a murderer if he fed it.
Hard work never killed anyone. Said by someone who never did any!
“Respect your elders”
I’m not saying be mean to them but age is not an indicator of a person deserving respect. No one is entitled to respect just based on age.
“If I can do it so can you.”
Jerry, yes, I can work 60-70 hours a week, but I will not. You have to work 60-70 hours a week because you decided to take on too much responsibility thinking it would get you some kind of awesome promotion. Also, we all know you’d rather be at work than spend time with your five kids. Don’t put that b*llsh*t on me, man.
“If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”
B*llsh*t! I love woodworking and metalworking, but it’s f*cking WORK.
“Other people have it so much worse than you” It’s just a way to disregard someone’s feelings so you don’t have to deal with it.
“If a Boy bullies you it means he likes you”
As a parent, this was something I was very careful not to imply to either of my children. When I was young I was told the same thing. “if he picks on you that means he likes you”. So when the boy who had been picking on me asked me out to a dance I said yes. I mean he was mean to me so that meant he had to be crazy about me and just didn’t know how to show it. Then my dad found the notes from this boy and told me “Cleo no, this boy is dangerous and I don’t want you to have anything to do with him anymore do you hear me? I knew boys like this and they always hurt the girls in their lives badly”.
So gym class the next day I tell him we can’t go to the dance together. A few of my friends were close by a few of his were not far off either. He literally kicked me down a set of bleachers. One of his friends had been a guy that was my very first boyfriend and he beat the crap out of the guy that kicked me. I was hurt so badly that I couldn’t go to school for over a week.
After that even the slightest red flag had me running for the hills. I was so afraid to even let a boy close enough to touch me that I didn’t have a boyfriend again for 3 years. Been married to him for 23 years now. So I told both my children if someone treats you badly walk away. Never accept it as they don’t know how to express their feelings for you because if they are violent or verbally abusive towards you their feelings do not matter.
“We only use 10% of our brains”
No neurologist has ever uttered anything that could even be misinterpreted to conclude that. It’s a completely made-up “fact”.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
… except when it traumatizes you, disfigures you, cripples you, or financially ruins you. Sometimes, it leaves you the same, and you realize that you’ve just wasted your time.
“Practice makes perfect”. This is only true if you practice it correctly. Bad practice leads to bad habits. I had a coach tell me once “Practice makes permanent”, and I think that’s much more accurate.
The more fitting saying is “Forgive but never forget.” To be clear, this is NOT to say one should hold a grudge. Rather, it’s just a reminder to watch out for red flags/early warning signs of repeat offenses based on past experiences – either in general or particularly with the forgiven person.
“it could be worse”
I say it out of habit. But that’s such a completely b*llsh*t way to think in my opinion. Like yeah, no sh*t things could be worse. Doesn’t detract from what’s going on now sucking.
Buy the biggest house that you can afford.
This is terrible financial advice.
Slow and steady wins the race
Doesn’t really make any sense, the true moral of the story Tortoise and Hare is “Hubris is god’s mightiest sword” since the hare’s arrogance was his downfall in the race.
Nothing is impossible.
No. Many things are impossible. The universe is built on the idea that some things are possible and some things are impossible. If nothing was impossible, reality would collapse.
This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
LIES!!
What you don’t know can’t hurt you, while yes it’s technically true it’s also not a positive thing, theoretically if someone’s partner was cheating on them yes they don’t know so they can’t be hurt but it’s still a bad thing.
“Do what makes you happy” in regards to searching for a career.
Because I have come to find that people tend to not be passionate about their jobs. Sure, there are some who enjoy it but it isn’t something they’re passionate about. I personally believe that any hobby you turn into a necessity kills your love for said hobby, of course, it’s not true for everyone but it’s true for me and apparently a lot of people who have commented about their experiences. In the end, you’ll either land a job you are passionate about in which you’ll be the lucky few or you’ll land a job you won’t be passionate about and feel like you failed because you aren’t passionate about your job. I would prefer the saying “Do what you find tolerable and use the money to pursue what you actually love”. Also, some passions cannot be turned into careers and some people just don’t have passions, my passion for running isn’t something I can make a reliable income with. That’s something else I recognized as I remember lots of people in my HS did not know what to pursue after HS because they did not have any passions in any fields or in general.
“It takes two to fight.” Not if someone is intent on bullying/harassing someone else. The policy where both people are punished is grossly unfair.
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away!”
F*ck, the older I get, the more I wish it were that simple.
‘Never judge a book by its cover’ as someone who works in a bookshop – you’re d*mn right I’m gonna judge the quality of a book by its production. As do most customers. I have gotten insights into the world of publishing and the decisions they make based on the quality and success of the product they are pushing.
For instance – an author just starting out? The catchy title of the book is going to be the biggest text in the book. The author has brought out 3-4 books that are proving successful. The text size of their name is going to be equal to the title. Ian Rankin or Kate Atkinson? Their name is going to be the biggest text on that cover because that’s what draws customers in. I remember chatting to James Oswald who said ‘I knew I had made it when my name got bigger.
Our Scottish buyer is very good at sniffing out underdog books. Books that are incredibly well-written, but haven’t got the recognition they deserve, and she will discuss with the publisher about changing the cover of the book to reflect this. Suddenly huge boosts in sales.
When a customer is looking for an obscure title, and I look it up, I can almost immediately tell if it’s a low-quality independent publication by the way the cover looks.
What goes around, comes around.’
I’ve seen so many good, honest people get screwed over by toxic, immoral people who never get their comeuppance. The concept of karma is b*llsh*t.
Positive vibes only.
This phrase can make depressed folks feel lonely and invalidated in their suffering. The consequences are often dangerous.
This phrase prevents folks who are suffering from talking about their mental illness. Being depressed or frustrated is not “negative”. We are humans and life is not always full of sunshine and daisies.
“I’m just being honest”.
No Jennifer, you’re just being a d*uche canoe and saying what you want expecting there will be no repercussions because “you tell it like it is and if you don’t like it then leave”
Early to bed, and early to rise; make a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
I usually wake up at 4:30 and go to bed around 9:30. I’m not wise or wealthy, and only moderately healthy.
“Always be the bigger person” No laughing my a** off. Usually, I can walk away from a situation but there are times when someone needs to be put in their place, and I’m not just gonna leave it alone to be “the bigger person”.
“One bad apple doesn’t spoil the barrel”. I believe the original was “One bad apple spoils the barrel”. If a police department allows one cop to be abusive or dishonest, that cop will pull the rest down with them.
“Well, life isn’t fair.” Or “You can’t have the world.”
Like, I know life isn’t fair and I never asked to have the world! I just want not to be broke all the freakin’ time, be able to afford things, etc.
It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Sometimes that pain isn’t worth the memories.
“Quit feeling sorry for yourself.”
That’s basically just telling someone that their feelings are inconveniencing you and that they should shut up and bottle up their feelings. It’s something you’ll never say if you have empathy.
“Jack of all trades, master of none”
This is only half the saying, having the “but oftentimes better than a master of one” part removed to push people into siloing themselves into one skill and making it seem like people who can do multiple things well are inferior when the opposite is often the truth. Nowadays, good employers will actually treat multi-skilled employees better (I see good because plenty of companies suck at treating any employee well) and being able to laterally transition, or at least assist, can be a huge boon.
“Right person, wrong time”
If they were the right person they would’ve been there at the right time.
“That’s your (insert family tie here) you have to love and respect them!”
You don’t owe your family anything, and I mean anything, especially if they caused you some sort of trauma in your past, to be honest, I had an uncle I cut all ties with because he was so abusive, I have been debating on cutting off my mom because she always acts weird if I am around for a prolonged period of time (it’s like she sees me as competition or something) and I am debating on cutting off another uncle because he thinks my sexuality is disgusting all in all, you don’t have to love and respect anyone, you can choose to but you are under no obligation to.
Work hard and follow your dreams and you’ll succeed!
No. Only people who have already succeeded will say that B*llsh*t. Do what you need to do to survive and thrive. Your occupation may not be your dream job, but it may give you the means to do what you love on the side.
“You have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide”
Whoever invented that saying has never heard of false imprisonment or the fact that we all have secrets that we like to keep to ourselves. We like to paint pictures of ourselves for each other so we can base each other better off on our values and not our mistakes and blunders. We don’t like everything we’ve ever done to be on full public display. Thus you most likely have something to hide and will probably have something to fear if you have people in black suites going over your history with a microscope.
“The meaning of life is happiness”
Personally, I found that… no. The meaning is fulfillment. Sure eating pringles and watching movies all day will make you happy but it won’t make you fulfilled.
Working towards something. Taking pride in stuff. Being proud of whatever sh*t you are doing or however you’re dealing with it. That’s what makes life worth living.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
That’s also the definition of practice and experience. I expect to save money over and over again and have more money over time. I expect to exercise over and over again and the result being better health, mind, body, etc. If I have a speech, I expect I will become much better at it if I practice it over and over again. If I study again and again and again, I will become much better at school.
I get what the saying is trying to convey (don’t beat your head against the wall with something that isn’t working), but it’s not the blanket statement like some people seem to think it is.
“No pain no gain”. Pain is your body’s natural method of telling you something is wrong and that you need to stop or you’ll get seriously hurt. For optimal results in ANYTHING, you should push yourself to the edge of pain and discomfort at max, strain is a sign of growth, and pain is a sign of injury and regression.
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
You’re not always going to be successful when you attempt something. Especially if it’s new and different and difficult. And that’s okay! Failure is part of life. It doesn’t mean you didn’t try hard enough to make it happen.
“Never go to bed angry.” To be honest I tend to be a lot grumpier when I’m tired and often I feel better after I’ve had some time to sleep on it. I’m also able to see the situation more objectively when I’m calm and well-rested.
Time heals all wounds.
Except it doesn’t. It really doesn’t.
Time just adds more wounds. The longer you live, the more wounds you acquire. It’s also highly unlikely those wounds would all heal before you die.
This is exactly why my motto is “A long life isn’t always a happy one”.
Age is just a number.
Tell that to people who are 90 – ask them about strength, cognition and memory loss, hearing and eyesight loss, arthritic pains ad nauseam.
It’s a bullsh*t way that our culture wants to pretend death and aging don’t exist – ignoring a reality right in front of our noses.
Takeaway? Live your life like it’s short, and DON’T F*CKING WASTE IT.
“Believe in yourself”
This puts all the pressure on a struggling person to try to deal with problems alone that might be beyond them and discourages acknowledging one’s vulnerabilities and asking for help (don’t ever tell someone with depression to “just believe in yourself”). It also puffs up the ego and encourages self-idolization and arrogance instead of caring for others. It also encourages the idea that if you really want something, you’re entitled to it.
It’s always better to believe in something bigger and better than yourself, to serve a good cause and love others. When you’re struggling with a lack of confidence, don’t focus on yourself. Focus on something absolutely good and bigger than yourself. Ask for help, offer to help others, and focus on doing what is right and good despite how you feel. Be diligent. Discover reality and believe it, including acknowledging your own limits, weaknesses, and failures. And stop this nonsense of believing that if you just believe in yourself, you are entitled to whatever you want and can accomplish anything.
“It gets better with time”
As I’ve gotten older and experienced more losses in life I don’t think things really get all that much better with passing time. I feel like I’ve just learned how to live and cope with certain losses and events better.
“I would never wish [insert unfortunate situation] on my worst enemy.”
I’m going to sound heartless for saying this, but if you don’t wish anything BAD on “your worst enemy,” then you probably haven’t found your “worst enemy.” They are people that you still care about in some manner.
Having a “worst enemy” means that you wish that nothing good happens to them and that you wish the worst for them. That you want nothing BUT to see them fail and suffer.
There are some extremely evil people out there who intentionally make everyone else’s life so difficult just to satisfy their own sadistic needs that it makes you wish that they have a taste of their own medicine.
”Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”
Whoever said that obviously didn’t have many enemies.
I mean, not really a phrase, but I absolutely hate surrender mentality. The “it is what it is” type phrases take horrible and easy-to-change situations with complacency for corruption as a way to not disrupt one’s own comfort.
The whole, “I mean, well it’s all burning down eventually anyway.” Or “It’s the end of the world soon anyway.”
Like…shut the f*ck up, and stop trying to drag us all down just cause you don’t wanna stand up for something.
Small and positive incremental change, is still a step forward. And even if you never live to see what those changes bring, it doesn’t mean you should just litter trash out your car window, ya a**h*le. (Or other negative choices, that was just an example)
“Respect is earned, not deserved”
Hard disagree. Everyone deserves respect. Period. I’m sorry, but something about that quote has always never sat right with me. I feel like people end up abusing this quote as an excuse to just be a random a**h*le to people for no reason and be like “wELl rEsPeCt iS EaRnEd nOt dEseRvEd”. I’m sorry but no. Everyone deserves respect. EVERYONE. Even people that I don’t personally like, I will still respect them because I wanna be the bigger person. We live in a world where there are enough f*cking a**h*les and people that are mean to each other for absolutely no f*cking reason, when not being an a**h*le literally costs you zero dollars.
Now, I am not saying that you should respect mean people, that is NOT at all what I’m saying and I don’t want people to misinterpret that. I’m not saying you should be kind to sh*t people, that’s not what I’m saying (I hope I’m making myself very clear because social media is the only place where well-articulated ideas get misinterpreted the f*ck out of). What I’m saying here is that there are enough c*nty people in this world, I feel like people always misuse that quote as an excuse to just be f*cking mean to people. I hope what I’m saying makes sense. I don’t want the semantics police to come for me & be like “UmM wELl AcTuALly”.
How about this: Treat everyone with respect, UNTIL they give you a reason not to. Treat everyone you come into contact with with respect until they give you a reason not to. Make a difference & don’t be a c*nt to people. As long as they do no harm to you, you should do no harm to them. Golden rule people. Or for my more spiritual people: what you put out, you will receive back. Don’t understand why people need a reason to be kind…Jesus. I feel like altruism has gone extinct.
Commonly used by Parents: “Because I say so.”
Why? How does your say really change this?
“Can I go out with my friends?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I say so.”
You are only establishing the fact that everything your kids ask for isn’t going to be based on their behavior or what they have done, but on a game of chance depending on how you’re feeling. So they won’t really care about anything, thinking it doesn’t change anything.
“You need to love yourself before you can love others.”
This isn’t how it works, and if you ask me, this saying can certainly come across as stifling. If we’re loved well by our caregivers, we naturally cultivate a sense of confidence and ease. It doesn’t just spring up from the aether, and people already love themselves too much. If we are neglected, and love is a paltry offering, then we seem to believe that we’re undeserving of being loved.
Instead of giving love an individualist cast to it by saying we all need to love ourselves before we can love others, why not have a world where everyone can experience love through reciprocity, loyalty, faith, patience, and community? Or perhaps, invoke the greatest love of all in the transcendent—that is—in agape?
You have your whole life ahead
I was told this when I wanted to go to a bar with friends when being 18
I’m 26 now, never been to a bar and I don’t have friends anymore. How about that?
“If you can’t remember it, then I guess it wasn’t important”,
Bruh, I’ve got ADHD, I forget things like taking medication, eating food, drinking water, appointments when things are, what the conversation was, what my thought was, and then after that, it’s the unimportant things probably.
I promise you, that stuff is pretty d*mn important, and if I’m really focused on something then I’ll forget everything there, but if I’m on a better day, then I’ll still forget the last 3 or 4 I said on that list.
“Nobody will love you until you love yourself!”
This is toxic b*llsh*t that basically berates people for having mental illnesses or self-esteem issues that keep them from loving themselves.
When my boyfriend met me, I was an absolute emotional and immature mess. But he has still loved me every step of the way for almost 3 years now. And with his patience and support, I have grown into someone I didn’t think I could ever be. He helped me get into therapy and the gym, and I moved out of my parents’ place and got an actual job to support myself. I may not ever truly love myself, but in even more time, I think I’ll be able to turn what progress I’ve made into self-acceptance at the very least.
You are worthy of love and can be loved even if you loathe yourself. If anyone spews this sh*tty line at you, honestly just walk away without a word, because that’s poison you don’t need or deserve.
“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it yourself”
Often attributed to Einstein. It’s nonsense.
I understand my PhD research better than literally any other human on the planet. Doesn’t mean I can explain it simply without dumbing it down to the point that what I’m saying is fallacious.
It’s literally the whole point of higher research. It necessitates extensive prior knowledge to understand.
“Dream” anything, when you have never even been there or started.
“Dream job, “dream school, “dream graduate program,” etc.
I don’t think anything should be your dream experience until you’ve actually experienced it. The way people talk about these “dream” goals is all about just the mere achievement of them, rather than learning anything or having a meaningful experience. You don’t know who/what your dream job, school, or spouse is until you’ve been there a while.
This “dream everything” puts too much focus on mere achievement and not living.
It also sets people up for a golden handcuff type of situation where they feel that they can’t leave, even if they are unhappy or not thriving, because they worked so hard just to get there. Sunk costs all around.
Go big or go home
I have severe anxiety and don’t particularly like socialising outside my comfort zone
Believe me, if I have to go big or go home, I’m going home with an immense weight lifted off my shoulders.
“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be.”
If you let something go, it was probably for a good reason. Better to move forward without it than to live in limbo.
“It’s a poor workman who blames his tools”. As someone who has worked with tools, sometimes not having the right tools for the job totally impacts the outcome, I used to work in a shop, and I know what level of perfection I can reach when I have the right tools and the right setup, so yeah many times it’s the tools and I will never hesitate to blame them if I know they’re the issue.
Follow your heart.
Today the heart says “I’ll eat the d*mn cake, I deserve it for working hard”, and tomorrow you’ll find yourself overweight and miserable.
Today the heart says “I’ll never leave you” and tomorrow it’ll say “This person is better than them, time to leave”
Ugh, all those super positive but entirely unrealistic things parents tell their kids to give them hope.
“You can do anything you want in life”
“Looks don’t matter”
“Just be yourself”
“Good things come to those who wait”
“People always get what they deserve”
I really wish parents gave their kids more realistic expectations. It either leads to extreme arrogance in kids who think they are getting through life because they are special (AKA: Better than everyone else) even though it’s mommy and daddy paying for everything or a severe lack of confidence as well as self-loathing in the kids who were told they could be whatever they want, but then learned that the list of things you can be is pretty short and very much dependent on what/who you are right now.
“We all have the same 24 hours in a day.”
Yes, but… some people are lucky enough to have loads of money, assistants, time to f*ck around, good health, transportation, etc. Makes it WAY easier to take advantage of the 24 hours when you have little else to worry about/take up your time. It’s so annoying to hear people say this sh*t.
“Don’t worry about what other people think of you.”
You know what we call people who don’t care what others think? Sociopaths.
Caring about others’ opinions of us is what motivates us to bathe regularly, dress decently, behave politely, rake the leaves in our yard, achieve success in our vocation, etc. Don’t dismiss the positive motivation that comes from giving a sh*t about what others think of you.
“Life is short” or “your 20s are the best years of your life” I hate those sayings and saying it to kids honestly I feel like it’ll instil fear into them and life really ain’t short at all. Yes, it can be cut short unexpectedly but it’s not short if you’re healthy enough and take proper care and also depends on what you do with it to make it long out. And the 20s are the best year of your life my aunt told me it’s really not because in your 20s you’re probably still in school and still tryna figure out who you are and what you wanna do and you’re still learning.
“If someone cares about you they will always make time for you. “
This is extremely toxic and will result in more damage done. I’ve had multiple friendships end because I didn’t respond to them on a constant basis. Real world things happen.
Naturally, we will do our best to be there for the people we care about. But, dropping everything is impossible once you become an adult.
Maturity comes with age. Total crap. We all know people who had to grow up in their late teens and also know people in their 70s who act like children.
I’m just sayin’
…
No. You are NOT just saying. You mean what you have said. You mean it to have an impact on the conversation and on reality. It’s not just word vomit. It’s not just an inert sound emanating from your toothed meat flap.
Just SAY what you’re going to SAY. There’s no reason for a b*llsh*t preface like “I’m just sayin’…”
“Money isn’t everything.”
You’re right, money isn’t everything, but it’s pretty d*mn close. Money, ample amounts anyway, pays for everything one needs. All essentials, such as housing, healthcare, food, etc are funded by money. The convenience of affording a car is funded by money. Retirement is only possible by saving vast sums of money. Oh, and when you have serious medical problems, money will take care of your bills so you won’t have to choose between being evicted or paying hospital bills. In this world, if you don’t have money, you don’t have ish. Don’t feel bad for disagreeing with this pathetic, antiquated cliché.
“Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Not everyone wants to be treated like you. People have different learning styles, abilities and disabilities, a sense of humor, and opinions.
Instead, I offer: “Treat others how THEY want to be treated.” This way you show respect to them and their needs. This comes from my experience working with individuals with disabilities and being a part of the LGBT community.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything”
I can name so many scenarios where this doesn’t apply. For example, if you are in an abusive relationship, going “Hey I realized that you have been treating me like an a**, you are cruel and I deserve better” may not be a polite thing to say, but it’s something that needs to be done.
Sometimes a**h*les just need to be told they’re a**h*les.
“You can achieve anything if you put your mind to it/try hard enough”
Nooooo. Sadly we will all be limited by our abilities, education, etc. This pep talk sets up unrealistic expectations and results in lots of people aged in their twenties feeling despondent and disappointed when they have achieved their delusional goals.
“No regrets”
Sure, don’t let guilt turn you inside out, but you gotta have some regrets otherwise you never grow. You gotta regret where you hurt other people. You gotta regret the lessons you should have learned earlier. Don’t beat yourself up over them, but stop pretending they shouldn’t exist.