In the fascinating world of 911 operators, there were calls that would make even the sternest of faces crack into a smile. From bizarre requests to hilarious misunderstandings, these real-life stories will have you chuckling and nodding along, because let’s face it, we’ve all had those moments where life takes an unexpected comedic turn. These were the stuff of legend and will make you wonder just how wild and unpredictable life can be.
This one initially seemed petty but actually wasn’t. A guy called and I had a difficult time understanding exactly what he was saying. He was definitely talking about something coming out of his toilet, so I thought he was calling about a plumbing issue. Unfortunately, this is not unheard of, though it is certainly not a good reason to call 911. After listening to a bit more, however, I realized that he was reporting demons coming out of his toilet! He was genuinely and very distressed by this and I didn’t suspect that it was a joke or prank. Unfortunately, there was no one I could send right away, so I decided to try to help. I told him to put the toilet lid down. He took my advice and what would you know, the demons stopped coming out! He was very appreciative. We still sent someone once they were available (only a few minutes later).
Caller “There is a duck in my front yard.”
Me “Ma’am, you live within view of a public park where there is a small lake.”
Caller “Well that’s not my problem.”
Me “… ok, well is the duck… violent?”
Caller “I don’t know, it’s just a duck.”
Me “Yes ma’am, you’re right, it is just a duck…”
Caller “Ok then…”
Me “Ok, so you understand we can’t do anything about a duck right?”
Caller “But it’s on my property…”
And around and around we went for the next five minutes. Officers did end up going out and fed the duck so that did make my night. We all got complained on by the lady.
“Is this 911?!”
“Yes, Ma’am, what’s your emergency?”
“I need help, for the past three hours, ever since the sun went down, these little people have been running up to my door, ringing the doorbell, and pounding on the door! I go and scream at them to leave, but they come back! And they’re all in different costumes each time… I think this is some sort of gang initiation or cult activity! Please, help me!”
“Ma’am, these people wouldn’t be asking you for candy, or treats, now would they?”
“What? Have you encountered these crazies before? Oh, thank god!”
I have been in the 911 biz for over 22 years. If a caller starts the call with “I swear I’m not crazy” then you need to buckle up for some insanity. A guy started a call with those words after escaping from his apartment and running to the closest 7-11. He swore that his roommates were turning into giant crabs. He was going to show the officers that they were currently in giant cocoons transforming. As you might expect he was tripping balls.
One woman called because she thought her house was being shot at. Turns out she forgot about her eggs boiling on the stove and they exploded. I wanted to give her a hug though, she was just a little old lady.
Not an operator, but my now ex-boyfriend who called in.
He usually worked a late shift, walking home at about 2 am. This shift he got off work a few hours late…
BF: I’d like to call and report a fire. [We live in a fire-prone area and it was the season.]
911: Where is it located, Sir?
BF: On the hillside just East of [City].
911: Can you be more specific? [Typing away in the background.]
BF: Yes, [gives a more detailed location]. Oh god, it’s getting bigger! The whole top of the hill is on fire now!
911: Stay calm sir, we’re sending somebody out.
BF: It’s getting bigger! Doesn’t anybody else see this?! It’s lighting up the sky around it…it’s huge! Oh god! Oh…oh, wait…
911: Sir?
BF: I am SO sorry…I’m not usually out this time of night, I just got off work late…that’s, that’s the sun…
911: …
BF: I am so, so sorry for wasting your time, there is no fire, that’s just the sun rising. Never mind. I’m really embarrassed…
911: That’s fine, Sir. I will cancel the call, thank you for calling.
I had a little one call into our center about 10 times, just so she could tell us that she loved us and appreciated us, and we are doing such a great job. Our center is pretty big, so she would get a different person almost every time. However, if she got you more than once, she would say something like, “No no no, I already told you! I need to tell someone else. You’re great, but they need to know they’re great, too! Okay, I love you, bye!” It was all from a disconnected cell, and we weren’t really getting a great phase on her location, but she stopped after about an hour, so it wasn’t super concerning. Made my day! I hope she grows up and keeps that big heart of hers, we need more people like her in the world. (They don’t necessarily need to call 911, but the point still stands lol.)
My 911 operator mother’s favorite story during a power outage, was about the guy who called 911 very angry, demanding to know why HE didn’t have power when a car JUST drove by with its lights ON!
I once got a call so a man could file a report because he believed his daughter was doing witchcraft on him and he only wanted a deputy that believed in witchcraft to assist him.
“911 what is your emergency?”
“Can I get the number to Dominos?”
“Sir, this is 911 for emergencies only. You’re thinking of 411.”
“Oh. Can I still get the number?”
I was a 911 dispatcher for a short time. You get a lot of really stupid calls, usually, people who don’t get the concept that 911 is for emergencies, but it’s not a big deal to me unless they use an unusual amount of resources (calling a lot, faking information to get higher priority, using ambulance as a taxi, etc.)
One guy called FRANTICALLY said that he saw the dead body of a young woman, in her early 20s, wearing nothing but shorts. He gave a detailed description, hair color, skin color, body position, the whole bit and said she was by the side of the interstate (in the middle of an affluent suburban area at rush hour) so we figured this had to be a really fresh crime scene. We started scrambling together officers to get there ASAP, a big hassle considering its rush hour and they’re all dealing with accidents and stuff like that. On top of that, we can’t say what the issue is on the radio because we have too many busybodies who monitor police radio, then call us to try to get juicy details, or otherwise meddle. So we have to get these officers to their cars to read the computer, leaving other issues, etc. And these are suburban cops in the Midwest, a murder is a d*mn big deal.
The guy calls back a few minutes later. “Uh, I checked again, it’s a dead deer.”
Peeved, I announce on the radio that the trip is cancelled, “it was a deer”. An officer sarcastically calls back: “With shorts on?”
6:30 Christmas morning. 9-1-1 goes off. “9-1-1. what’s your emergency?”
Breathless, panicky voice “How do I get the cranberry sauce out of the can without it coming out in chunks?”
“Open the other end and slide it out on a plate.”
“OH! THANK YOU! You are brilliant!”
I wasn’t considered so brilliant once I had to dispatch an officer over there to educate her on proper 9-1-1 usage. Merry Christmas, here’s your citation.
Had a grown man calling in about “A monster trying to get into his son’s room” he’s the right kind of frantic where I KNOW it’s not a mental health crisis, but I still couldn’t figure it out. Well, he’s a Middle Eastern male with a really thick accent and I was having a hard time understanding, so he gave the phone to his son. The monster had climbed a tree and was at his bedroom window. And it was as big as his dog. And it has hands like him but tiny… Wait, what? Right there I told the kid to see if it had rings on his tail… Yes… They had just moved to America a month ago and had never heard of raccoons. I couldn’t mute myself fast enough , and the father heard me laughing. I think that’s what helped calm him down. I explained what a trash panda was and welcomed him to our wild jungle.
A little kid called 911 because he wanted the cops to come to arrest his brother.
You see, their mom said that the caller’s brother was supposed to share the legos, but he wasn’t sharing. The caller’s brother said that he was playing with all of the legos, which wasn’t possible. There were too many legos for one person to play with all of them at once, argued our caller. Therefore, his brother was a liar, a jerk, and a turd and we needed to come and arrest him.
We had a high degree of confidence that this wasn’t a coded request for help, so we asked to speak to an adult- confirmed that there was no distress and closed the case. Share your legos, kids.
PS: If your kid ever calls 911, don’t get mad at them. We want them to call 911 if they think they should. We would much rather have them call 911 for something silly than have them not call when they should because they’re afraid they’ll get in trouble.
My cousin called because she was giving her lizard a bath and it went down the drain. (It was like a tiny house gecko named Steve). She called 911 crying that Steve was drowning and had gone down the drain. By the time the dispatcher figured out Steve was a gecko the police and fire dept were already pulling in. She was like 6 or so and I still tease her about it….I do feel bad for Steve though.
Me: 911 where is the emergency?
Little Mexican kid: Uh.. yeah. I.. we need a.. a vegetarian.
Me: (long pause) A what??
Kid: A vegetarian.
Me: (Silence as I am processing this)
Kid: For my dog he’s sick.
Me: Ohhhh.. okay you need a veterinarian. Sorry buddy but 911 is for human emergencies..!
Kid: Oh, okay bye.
The kid had to have been like 10 to 12 years old.
9-1-1 dispatcher/supervisor for 5+ years here.
We get a ton of misdials because some genius at Verizon decided it would be a good idea to have phone numbers that start with “991-“
Had a woman call because her “baby” wasn’t breathing, so we gave her instructions to do CPR. Medics got there and found her doing CPR on her dog.
Had another woman call saying her cat was stuck in a tree. I just knew she wanted the fire department to come to save the cat, so I got my “that’s only in movies/TV” speech ready. Then she said, “…so my husband climbed up to get the cat and now he’s stuck too.”
Had a drunk person call to report he was being harassed. Truth was….. He was being arrested by our officers for throwing pizza at people. All I heard in the background was one of my officers saying to him “That better not be our dispatcher on the phone” followed by some muffled talking and my officer taking the phone and saying “he will be taking a ride with us now” and hung up.
Still, laugh about it to this day.
I was a 911 call taker 15 years ago before the recreational use of marijuana was legal.
A man called in to request an ambulance. He said he’d been eating only “special” brownies for three days straight and could not stop vomiting that morning.
His voice was soft and a bit quivery; he did sound sick and maybe a little high, so I sent him one. While we were still on the line together, I could hear him chewing.
“Are you eating right now?” “They’re just so gooooood,” he said. He was still eating the brownies!
A family member is a 911 operator. She says on a regular basis people will call 911 for help because their car battery died and they are locked in… not realizing there is a manual lock.
And despite not being an emergency, you can’t really just hang up on them. If they are too stupid to figure it out on their own on a hot day you will have them passing out in their car and possibly dying.
My sister still talks about the time that she and our cousin were home with the babysitter. They called 911 because the babysitter was, “being mean”. She was just being an experienced babysitter, and not bowing to their every whim. Police came. My mom was called in from work 45 minutes away. I don’t think that anyone was upset, but they certainly weren’t amused.
Okay, so I was working the early morning shift one Sunday and we had an old lady call in, mid-eighties. She is PANICKING for reasons that are not clear until five minutes into the call: her husband is on his deathbed.
Me: “Alright ma’am I’m going to need you to stay on the line while I arrange for an ambulance to go to your location. Would you mind telling me where you are? What’s the address?”
Her: “I don’t need an ambulance.”
(okay, possibly a case of dementia here, no big deal, but need to verify the husband’s condition.)
Me: “Ma’am we still need to send someone over there just as a precaution. Would you mind telling me what’s the matter with your husband?”
Her: “I told you, he’s dying! Don’t you understand?”
Me: “Ma’am, would you mind telling me where you are? I just want to be sure you’re okay – “
Her: “I’m at XXX hospital! I need you to send an officer right away! My husband is DYING!”
Me: (Good God above, show this woman your mercy.) “Ma’am, is there a doctor nearby that I can speak with?”
Her: “No! I need an officer NOW!”
Me: “And why’s that, ma’am?”
Her: “I need to file a police report!”
Me: “What for ma’am?”
Her: “I need to report a theft!!”
Me: “And what has been stolen, ma’am?”
Her: “My husband stole money from me! Yesterday, he went to the vending machine and used my credit card without my permission!!”
Me: (There but for the grace of God go I.) “Ma’am is this really a matter of life and death? Is this really an emergency you needed to call 911 for?”
Her: “Yes! If he dies before I fill out a police report, I’ll never get that money back!!”
At this point, one of my colleagues comes back from his break and read the transcript of the call I had up on my screen after I waved him over. He is trying very hard not to laugh. It’s funny but I also feel bad for the woman. She clearly needs help, but not of the emergency kind.
I hold my hand over the receiver and tell my colleague to call the hospital and get someone over there to calm her down before resuming the conversation:
Me: “Ma’am, help is on the way. Please wait with me on the line until we can get someone to you.” (It’s a protocol to stay on the line with the caller until assistance is rendered, and I figure it’ll be only a few minutes before a nurse or a doctor can coax her away from the phone. To calm her down, I try distracting her a bit by discussing the details of the “theft”.)
Me: “So ma’am, where was this vending machine located?”
Her: “Down the hallway, overlooking the pond behind the hospital.”
Me: “The pond, huh? That’s nice. And what did your husband buy?”
Her: “He said he needed to buy two bags of chips to feed to this big fish in the pond. He said that the fish had specifically asked him for the chips. I told him that was ridiculous, fish don’t talk, but he wouldn’t listen to me.”
Me: “… the fish asked him for chips? Interesting.” (Lord Jesus, give me patience.) “Now ma’am, you said he used your credit card – how much did these chips cost?”
Her: “About $3.50.”
And that was the day I quit my job, walked out the door, and never ate chips again.
We had an old woman call in and say there were two guys dressed in blue trying to break into her house and r*pe her. So we send about 6 cops over to her house. It turns out it was the gas company reading her gas meter.
The one that comes to mind most often is that we have an extremely elderly woman in town who has a caretaker and really should be in a home, but the only numbers she remembers are 911 and the non-emergency line for the police department. One day she calls to say her caretaker isn’t at her house and she’s worried. We called the caretaker, she told us she wasn’t due to work until 10 and it was 9. We tell the elderly lady this and she says okay. She then immediately calls back saying her caretaker is missing. I reiterate that her caretaker isn’t due until 10 and it’s currently 9, she says “Yes but look at the time”. I had to explain to this poor woman how time works because she wouldn’t stop calling. At one point I spoke with her 12 times in 30 minutes because she wasn’t grasping the concept of having to leave a message for a callback with adult protective services. Kind of sad actually.
My father was a 911 operator for several years, so he had his fair share of weird calls. Here’s one of my favorites.
My dad was working one night and he gets a call from a man who is obviously drunk.
Dad: 911, what is your emergency?
Drunk: Yeah uhh… I think I just heard a… red car crash.
Dad: Uh, you heard a RED car crash?
Drunk: Yeah.
Dad: Okay, uh, police are on their way.
click
My dad finds out later that this dude was driving drunk and crashed his car not far from his house. Guy decides to get out of his car, stumble home, and dial 911 to report the fact that he heard a car crash.
In his drunken mind, he figured he’d report the crash as someone who heard it and he’d get off, somehow.
But he had to specify the color, because apparently a red car crashing sounds different than a blue car crashing.
My dad used to be in charge of the 911 call center. One particular story I remember was in like 09 some guy called asking how much weed he could have in his car while driving through the state. They went back and forth for maybe 20 minutes of the guy repeating and rephrasing the question and my dad just responding “None”.
Caller: My boyfriend took my dog!
Me: And why’d he do that?
Caller: Because he’s an a**h*le!
Me: No, I mean what possessed him to take the animal?
Caller: Cause he’s a f*cker!
Me: …… Why does he have the dog…
Caller: Cause he’s a piece of sh*t!
Me: …….. Alright, I’ll send an officer out to talk to you.
I had a girl call in once because there was a kitten stuck in a cat… took me a minute and I had to have her repeat herself about two more times with me clarifying that this girl was indeed calling 911 because her cat was giving birth and the kitten got stuck. Then she said oh never mind the kitten is dead.
Guy angrily called his local police department for which I dispatched and yelled over the phone:” Who do I send the bill to clean my car after running over a rabbit?!”
I didn’t know what to say for a moment but then decided to play along.
Me:” What kind of rabbit was it? A wild one or a domesticated one?”
Caller:” Uuuh, wild, I guess.”
Me:” And was this on a public road or a private one?”
Caller:” uhhh, public.”
Me:” Who do you send the bill to clean your car after a bird sh*ts on it? Mother nature?”
Caller:” I knew I couldn’t count on you for help.”
On my first-ever call, my adrenaline was pumping and the woman who called asked “If a bear is in my house can I shoot it”. Then my adrenaline kicked into overdrive and I said “Ma’am is there a bear in your house” thinking to myself oh man, this is going to be an intense day…turns out her husband installed sliding glass doors and she was worried a bear might see her cats and bust through the doors kool-aid man style to try to eat them. My chief (who was training me) grabbed the phone and told her if it came into the house she could shoot it, then call fish and game, and not to abuse 911 in hypothetical situations.
I had a six-year-old girl accidentally call 911 saying that her mommy and daddy were making a whoopie. I had flashbacks of Family Feud and laughed so hard. I waited a few minutes and called back and her mom tried to play it off saying they were wrapping Christmas presents.
Yeah, sure lady. If your present is a new little brother or sister.
“911 do you need police, fire or ambulance”
“I don’t know”
“Ok, what’s going on?”
“I’ve entered my password into my phone a few times and it won’t unlock”
“… Ok stay on the line for a minute…”
connect him to the police call taker for the how not to dial 911 speech
Asked the police later if that was legitimately why they called. It was.
Here is a transcript of the most ridiculous conversation I’ve heard.
911, what’s your emergency?
Uh, yeah, I wanted to buy a beer, but the guy is asking for my Id.
What is the problem?
I can’t show my Id because I’m eighteen.
Well, if you don’t have an Id if the server asks for it you can’t have it, especially if you’re underage.
Yeah, but I was always able to give a bribe to other guys, so make him take the bribe!
Sigh Please wait.
Not me, but my mom had a call one day with this woman in complete hysterics: (W: caller M: mom)
W: “You have to do something!! They are fighting in my living room and they’re going to kill each other!!!! Send someone over IMMEDIATELY!!!”
M: “Ma’am I am sending someone now, who is fighting do they have weapons? Are you safe?”
W: omg the fighting is worse when will someone be here? Omg, the blood is everywhere!!!”
M: Ma’am WHO is fighting are there weapons?”
W: my cats!! My cats are fighting and they are going to kill each other!”
M: “Do you have a bucket or something?” W: “A bucket?”
M: “Yes…. fill the bucket up with water and throw it on them!!!”
W: but I can’t do that!!”
When my mom related the story to the deputy on the way he was in complete disbelief… went ahead and continued over there and the woman was still very upset.
Female: There are alligators in the river.
Me: Yes ma’am, this is Florida.
Female: But my kids play and swim in that river.
Me: Why do you let your kids play and swim in alligator-infested waters?
So I’m not a 911 operator but I used to work a weird job where I would listen to phone calls between deaf/hard-of-hearing people and whoever they were calling and then write captions so would appear on a screen for them.
So this elderly woman calls 911 and it goes like this:
“911 what is your location?” “Blah blah address” “Ok ma’am and what is your emergency?” “If my husband has a stroke should I call you?” “I’m sorry you said your husband having a stroke ma’am?” “Oh no, he’s fine, I just want to know if I should call you when he does” “…ma’am is he showing any signs of stroke? Unusual speech? Facial distortion? One side of his body not working?” “No deary none of that, he’s just getting old and I want to know if that would be an emergency”
A person in a suburban neighborhood called to report a group of youths on bikes, skateboards, etc. Said they were “up to no good.” When asked what they were doing that constituted a crime or was dangerous, the caller admitted that they hadn’t seen anything as such. But they just knew that these kids were up to no good. Didn’t even dispatch anyone for that.
“911, what is your emergency?”
“Uh yeah, this b*tch is gonna call and say I hit her, but she’s lyin’, I didn’t do nothing.”
“…….Okay sir, can I have your name and location so we know who she’s lying about when she calls?”
“Uh…..” click
I was a 911 operator for 4 years and a woman in a rich area called the cops on a black man. Me: “Ma’am, can you describe the person?”
Caller: “he’s wearing a pastel polo shirt and he’s in a truck that says optimum. He’s working on the wires but I don’t know… he just looks like he doesn’t belong here.”
Me: “What’s suspicious about the person?”
Caller: “Well, he’s black and this is insert rich town here
The twist? He was employed by Optimum and was fixing the cable… ON THE CALLER’S OWN HOUSE. SHE CALLED OPTIMUM TO FIX HER CABLE, THEN CALLED THE COPS ON THE GUY SHE ASKED FOR.
Caller: yeah there’s a zombie girl.
Me: I’m sorry, what’s that?
Caller: a zombie
Me: I don’t understand.
Caller: she’s flailing her arms and body everywhere. Can you make her go away?
F*ck no I can’t make her disappear
My mother was a 911 dispatcher. One of my favorite stories was about a woman who called and reported that “a turtle is on my porch and I don’t know what to do” My mom said “You can move it or leave it there if it’s a snapper” and the woman said, “what if he can’t get down?” And my mom said, “Well he got up there somehow so maybe he’ll find his way down”. This woman called no fewer than 5 more times and officers were sent to her house for a “wellness visit.” She wasn’t crazy in a certifiable sense, just oddly neurotic about this turtle and how he was going to get down from her porch.
112 Operator here. I had a woman who wanted to report herself dead. Like not in she wanted to commit suicide (DO NOT DO THAT! There is help and if you have these thoughts please talk to people or a doc about this!) but she was sure that she died. A somewhat normal middle-aged woman and she called 112 (medics and fire, 110 is for cops) so we would get her a morgue. It was my strangest call ever to tell a person, who was very much alive talking to me, that in fact, she was not dead. We sent an ambulance (for free, long live the eu-healthcare system). In the end, it turned out to be a shroom-induced psychosis
An elderly woman called 9-1-1 to complain about a suspicious person outside her house. I asked her for her address, and she said, Oh, I can’t give you that. My husband told me to NEVER give out personal information to someone on the phone.
Ma’am, I need to know where you are so we can come to your house.
Well, I live on 13th Avenue.
OK, what is your house number?
Can’t you just check all of 13th Avenue?
Ma’am, 13th Avenue is about two miles long…
Finally got her address, sent an officer, and cleared the call with “Nothing found”
When I was still in training, my supervisor would play back training 911 calls for me to listen to and dispatch. In one call, the caller says that their friend is dying and that they’re in their car and they’ve pulled over on an access road near a busy restaurant. As the dispatcher asks more questions, we discover that the caller is holding their friend’s internal organs in her hands. Dispatch asks all the questions and eventually, the caller says that their friend was hit by a car crossing the busy street in front of the restaurant. Dispatch keeps talking to her until a unit arrived on the scene. They disconnect the call and the next thing you hear is the unit keying up and trying to hold back the laughter as he reported that the victim had died of their injuries prior to his arrival. And that the victim was a squirrel.
During my clinical rotations on the ambulance, we had a lady call 911 for cutting her pinky on a can lif. We guessed it must’ve been pretty bad since she was calling 911 for it.
We got to her house and she has it wrapped in a towel, and when she shows it to us, there was hardly any blood on the towel, and it was barely bleeding.
After questioning her, we found out she was on blood thinners, so I figured it makes the call a little bit more valid, and at least she knew to keep pressure on it. We tell her all we can really do is put a band-aid on it and take her to the hospital if she wants.
She says “No, I have to go to work”
… so she called 911 to check on a wound, which she already knew what to do for, and put a bandaid on it. Good times.
A woman called to report seeing a shark in the ocean.
Yes, ma’am. That is where we keep them.
I got a call from a sign language relay service, and these interpreters take their jobs very seriously. They convey emotion and never change the wording.
So, the operator identifies herself as a relay service and breaks into screaming “My baby’s not breathing! My baby is not breathing!”
I ask how old the baby is. The baby is one year old.
I was working fire/rescue this day and dispatched an ambulance, an engine, and the battalion commander. My coworker across the room started police that way.
I returned to the caller and started giving infant CPR EMD instructions. I instruct the caller to completely cover and seal the baby’s mouth with their mouth. The interpreter then drops this bomb:
“What if I can’t get around the whiskers?”
“…ma’am, what species is your baby?”
“Cat.”
Ugh. I then have to get back on the radio and tell everyone to scale it down. The battalion commander continues on to see if they could help as did a police officer since 911 was dialed. The cat did not make it, unfortunately.
While that is very sad because I love animals, I couldn’t help but be baffled that this interpreter was WATCHING the caller. She could see her! Why would she not tell me the “baby” was a cat? I get that they are not supposed to change the content, but this was a letter vs spirit of the law situation. It is very dangerous for emergency vehicles to drive code. I got a bunch of calls from the EMTs and cops throughout the shift laughing their butts off.
I had a conversation with a man that reported his wife missing. Very plausible story. The man seemed to be really concerned. After a couple of minutes, I found out his wife died 7 years back and he was suffering from dementia.
So I decided to bring him the “bad news” while on the phone. I said “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you, sir. Your wife has been dead for seven years now…”
I was anxiously waiting for his response.
He replied in a very happy voice:
“Riiiight! I completely forgot! Well, I’m glad I can stop looking now. Thanks, bye!”
So, I had a drunk guy call in one night at 5 am to tell me that he saw a snail chasing a worm. I kid you not. I thought about hanging up or lecturing him on the use of 911 but I was bored anyways so, I played with him a bit.
Me: okay well, which one committed a crime?
Him: well the snail was chasing the worm so I thought of him but maybe the worm did something, maybe we should figure it out
Me: sounds like officers need to question them both, what do they look like?
Caller: well you’ve seen a snail before right?
Me: yes but I don’t want us to confuse them with another snail in the area.
That would be the one that got me fired. Actually, they let me resign, but it’s essentially the same thing in this case.
A woman called in a man walking down the street in her neighborhood. Not being loud or suspicious or disruptive in any way, just walking along the sidewalk.
“Ma’am, what exactly is the problem then if he’s just walking down the street?”
“Well, he just shouldn’t be walking here. They have no business in our neighborhood.”
So she called the police, on 911 and not the non-emergency line, because a black man was minding his own business walking down the street. She just kept saying “he shouldn’t be walking here!” and eventually I snapped back with “Would you feel better if he was running?”
It’s one of those moments where you immediately think “d*mn, now I have to find a new job.”
“911 emergency”
“Yes, I can’t get through to my favorite restaurant to make dinner reservations. Call them and tell them we need seating for 8.”
“Uh, ma’am, that’s not something we do.”
“Then what good are you?”