Love can be a wild ride, taking us on heartwarming journeys or leading us down bizarre paths that make us raise an eyebrow or two. Ever had someone’s attempt at romance leave you wondering whether to swoon or sprint? From candlelit dinners that turned into unexpected magic shows, to serenades that missed a note and landed in a completely different tune – these stories prove that when it comes to matters of the heart, things can get either romantically quirky or downright freaky.
My ex during Valentine’s Day decided to surprise serenade me with a guitar outside my dorm window. The thing is, I lived on the fourth floor and he decided to do it at 8 AM. So, he was on the street and bellowing to me at the top of his lungs so that I could hear from my window while waking up everyone in the building. Everything would have been dandy if he was a good singer. But he’s not. There were so many people walking back and forth staring at him. He couldn’t hear me when I was yelling at him to stop. It was just an awful situation. This was the same ex who wrecked his front bumper because he dropped his car too low.
A few years back, I had my ex watch my cat while I went to visit family.
While I was gone he took it upon himself to REARANGE MY ENTIRE HOUSE, to a way that he thought “flowed” better.
He thought he was being really sweet, and I can see why he thought that, but we hadn’t been dating that long and I liked my house set up the way it was. If I had wanted my furniture arranged differently I would have done it myself.
What really got me though, is that he rearranged it the way he wanted it to look even though it was not his house, he didn’t ask or take into account how I, the owner of said house, used and utilized the space. He was treating my house as his house and basically moved in while I was gone. I broke up with him a month later.
I was flirting with a guy in a club, we talked all night and finally kissed. He was awesome and really hot. Then he told me to close my eyes and he put a silver necklace with a cross around my neck. I looked at it and said: “Uhm, thanks…?” He smiled and said: “It belonged to my first girlfriend. She died in a house fire when I was 15.”
My buddy’s girlfriend showed up at my front door drunk. She professed her love for me and had built up this secret relationship between the two of us in her head. Like, we had our song and stuff like that. She said that the only reason that she was still with him was so that she could see me. I was pretty creeped out.
I was polite but told her that I wasn’t interested in any way. I made sure that she got home safely and then called my friend to tell him what happened. When he confronted her, she said that we had slept together that night. He called me on speakerphone in front of her and asked what happened. I told him the same story I told him the night before. He broke up with her right there and threw her out of his house.
She emailed me about 6 months later to tell me that she missed me. I did not respond.
I’m on the train. This girl behind me is having the most boring phone conversation I’ve ever heard. Some guy she thinks is cute or something.
I keep listening though, mostly because she’s too loud to block out… And things get weird. The guy she’s describing sounds pretty physically identical to me.
So I turn around, and this girl says “Oh. He’s looking at me now. I wonder what he’ll do. I wonder if he likes me.”
She also DOESN’T HAVE A F*CKING PHONE.
Yeah, I got off at the next stop and put a whole train between me and that weirdo.
He walked 10 miles with no shoes on to tell me that he had a dream where God told him we were meant to be together. I thought he left, but he thought it was best to hide behind my car until I got off work so he could keep trying to convince me we were soul mates.
There was this guy that I was making out with, but I was h*ll-bent on not letting it get serious. He was handsome, but he was way too cringy.
So one night, he texts me to come up to his dorm, and I’m expecting the usual make-out session.
When I arrive, he greets me at the door. Candles glittering like a godd*mn Toni Braxton video. We weren’t even allowed to have candles. He picks me up in bridegroom pose and whisks me over to his twin bed. All the while, his poor roommate is hunched over his computer in the corner with his headphones on, just pretending that this is all not happening.
The guy proceeds to play me a song he wrote on his acoustic guitar and sings to me with tears in his eyes. I just kept glancing at the roommate for some intervention, but nah, he wasn’t having it.
When he finishes, he puffs his chest for courage and confidently declares his love for me. There was a long, cliffhanger of silence before I said: “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same.” That was about the time he literally ripped off his button-up shirt in some display of brute strength and started banging his head on the wall, sobbing and murmuring about being pathetic. I actually walked over and used my hand as a cushion between his forehead and the wall to get him to stop.
Meanwhile, his roommate never acknowledged what was going on around him. Not even once.
After a long week of exams, I came home to take a nap before we went out for the weekend. My ex lied to my roommates to get a key to the place and proceeded to watch me sleep for 4 hours to make sure I wasn’t “disturbed”.
He has a budding animator who had a crush on me. As a romantic gesture to win me over, he created an anthropomorphic “sexy” squirrel character based on me and drew several very detailed and graphic pin up type pictures of it and uploaded them to his online portfolio. He was a pretty skilled artist and the face of the character was noticeably me. He said it was how he saw me in his fantasies.
Let himself into my dorm and used our female-only lab to shave half his body. When someone called the cops, said I had given him a key to my room and permission to be there.
I got a restraining order. He then put himself up on a homemade cross in the quad at Easter, with a sign over his head saying he was sacrificing himself for our love.
I had to change campuses.
It was my first job out of college, and I went to a lot of networking events. I met a guy who was older (grey hair, balding) and had maybe a 15-minute conversation with him about very mundane topics. We exchanged business cards and moved on to the next contact.
The next day at work I get a huge bouquet of flowers. This thing easily costs over $100. They arrived right as I was leaving for a meeting with a co-worker so I didn’t really have time to think about them. I got back and I have two messages from the guy asking if I had received the flowers. As I’m listening to the messages, he calls again.
I share an office with my 30-something male boss, so personal phone calls are already awkward. The flower sender asked if I got the flowers, what I thought, and told me all these other things he thought about sending but he wasn’t sure what I liked. When he finally stops talking, I thank him and tell him the flowers were a little too much, which causes him to tell me that it meant nothing. He was just trying to be friendly.
When I got off the phone my boss (who could only hear my side of the conversation) said “I hope that guy doesn’t know where you live”.
Came into my house last night and found a stuffed elephant sitting on the table. While I’m contemplating why the f*ck there is a Babies-R-Us elephant on a plate, my now fiancee says from the doorway “I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room” and dropped to one knee with a ring box. I’m still giggling over that one.
Said he wanted to buy me a necklace with his name on it so other guys would know I was his and not talk to me. Apparently, it’s romantic to treat women like property. The guy threw off all kinds of domestic violence warning signs and I noped out of there fast.
My then-girlfriend-now-wife started crying about something, I can’t remember what. I think we may have been joking around, me tickling her or something and I seem to recall I accidentally hurt her. So she’s crying and like the idiot man I am I have no idea what I should do, so I pick up one of her big law books and I slam it down, spine first, on my hand. She stops crying for a second and says “Why did you do that?”
“Because I hurt you, so I hurt myself. Now we’re both hurt.” Classic man logic, ladies and gentlemen.
She started crying harder than before, but eventually, she started laughing, and godd*mn did that hurt.
I don’t think it was meant to be romantic, it was just plain creepy. I work retail at a hardware store, this lady is a regular customer. These days I’ve gotten pretty good at avoiding her when she comes in but for a while it was difficult. Keep in mind, there is probably a 40 or 50-year age difference. She will always ask me to get things off the bottom shelf, repeatedly changing her mind, just so she can stare at my a**. That wasn’t the creepy part though.
What makes it creepy is the ridiculous sigh of satisfaction she would let out every time I bent over. The kind of a heavy sigh of satisfaction that you let out with your first sip of coffee in the morning or when you flop onto your bed after a long day. The first time it happened I finally understood what women mean when they say they hate being treated like a piece of meat. I felt kind of violated.
The weirdest was probably this one guy who insisted we be penpals. He would send me pressed flowers, little drawings he made (he wasn’t very good) and long letters with awkward handwriting just detailing his day and asking how I was. I pretended to think he was a weirdo in front of my sh*tty friends but I put his messy watercolour of a teddy bear on my fridge and smelled the flowers and read his letter many times when I was alone. We have now been together for a decade.
This dude who was in a darts league at a bar that I tended to was a nice fellow and a proper gentleman throughout the league season. Didn’t interact with me much but would order two drinks per dart night, tipped well enough, and was never inappropriate – so a good customer.
The last night of the season he got absolutely rip-roaring drunk and slobbered his way up to the bar to ask me out.
I told him I didn’t date customers and I DEFINITELY didn’t date customers who were too hammered to remember their own names.
I told him if he was serious, he should come back the next time I worked (I worked MWFS, and his league section played Mondays) and ask me again sober. (Standard brush-off and very safe. Nobody ever remembered.)
He persisted, asking what I was doing on my day off. I said – “it’s Hallowe’en, I’m taking my kids trick or treating.”
He got this WEIRD look on his face and said “THEN I WILL WAIT AT HOME FOR YOU TO BRING THEM BY FOR CANDY.”
I was like…..oh my f*ck dude do you even realize what you are saying? That is so CREEPY!!!
So I said “Hahaha okay you do that, buddy. Have a good night.”
SO WEDNESDAY ROLLS AROUND and I’m at the bar, opening up, and the dude walks in wearing his work clothes (tie and whatnot) and sits down. He ordered water.
He said “I need to apologize. I was out of line. I was inappropriate. And I was very, very drunk. But for what it’s worth, when I woke up yesterday morning I realized I had promised to wait for you to bring your kids by for trick-or-treat. So even though I knew you wouldn’t because you are not a crazy person, I stayed home last night instead of going out with friends, just in case you remembered I am usually a nice guy and not a creepy drunk weirdo. But you didn’t. But you also told me to come back sober and ask you out. So here I am. Will you go out with me?”
My gast was completely flabbered, folks.
In my stunned state, I told him we closed at midnight. That after work, I would meet him at the local 24-hour diner for breakfast, and he could explain to me what the f*ck he was thinking trying to meet the children of his bartender.
Plot twist: I married him. It was a heck of a breakfast date. And he was that rare and amazing guy who genuinely wanted to date a whole person instead of just the sexy parts. His Monday meltdown was because throughout leagues he had been trying to work up the nerve to ask me out but knew it was inappropriate, so his friends got him drunk in a terrible attempt at wingmanning.
He was so completely honest and kind that I came to understand he really WAS the kind of guy who would go out of his way for the sake of another human’s happiness, even if people looked at him like he was a f*cking nutcase.
Breakfast lasted until my next shift, and like I said – I married him.
Back in high school my ex and I played World of Warcraft with our friends – we did an in-game “date” where he had me put him on auto-follow and asked me to keep my eyes closed. Then he took our characters to this “hidden” spot with a pretty waterfall, pond, pretty view etc. and we proceeded to have a “picnic” with our characters.
Thinking about it made me hide my face in my hands, but we both knew it was dorky and was just a little fun. I’m just glad we went on real, regular dates too or else that would’ve been a problem.
Never met her, I was bored looking through the Instagram Explore tab and noticed a photo of me.
She wrote that I was her boyfriend and there were 3 photos where she must have been sitting near me and took a selfie with me next/near to her.
After that, I stopped wearing earphones and started paying attention. I spotted the chick looking at me so I said that I found her Instagram photos and she went red and just screamed. (This was in a library)
The end.
My ex gave me a homemade A4-sized card, bright pink (no less) for Valentine’s Day. He decorated the card with a GINORMOUS heart made completely out of cigarette butts.
Yepp. The entire thing was a collage of different cigarette butts that he “took the time to smoke cos he lurvez me”. It was then sprayed with his cologne to make it smell more “him”.
We were 16. The relationship lasted for 6 months.
A girl I dated used to call me and tell me she was cutting herself, from time to time. I was trying to be a good boyfriend and talk her out of it and tell her not to.
She told me later that she wasn’t REALLY cutting herself, she just liked hearing me be concerned for her. It made her feel wanted and desired.
One the one hand, that’s just very sad. On the other hand that’s very creepy.
So for years, I thought this guy who was kinda part of my circle of friends just hated my guts. He was really good friends with everyone else, but d*mn near everything I said just seemed to rub him the wrong way. When he was around, it was like impossible for me to have a conversation with the guy without him becoming deeply offended by some remark I made.
So for years, it was just this cycle of him coming back to hang out with the group again, then me pissing him off, having to take time to apologize to him personally, and then him taking off for months before repeating the cycle.
Well the last time he came back around, I put my foot in my mouth as usual and found myself apologizing after everyone had dispersed for the evening. I confessed that I’d never had such a hard time figuring out where a person’s comfort zone is and had at times resolved to just avoid him entirely so as to spare his feelings from my blundering. Then he said he didn’t want me to do that. That he wasn’t as wounded as he let on and that he acted that way because he had been harboring a crush on me all those years!
It would have shocked me less if he had claimed to secretly be the King of Spain. I told him I would need some time to digest all of that. After about a week, he ghosted me again. It’s been maybe 5 years since that conversation, which also happened to be our last. WTF???
I barely knew this guy, we had met a few times. He was a friend of a friend. He sent me a message to tell me he painted a picture of me.
He sent me a picture of it and it was MASSIVE and stylized and extremely detailed.
I mean, he was an artist and it was kind of flattering? But mostly it was a big ol’ nope.
She learned my class schedule. Would wait for me before and after class, if I was sitting in a chair she’d sit on my lap and wouldn’t get off till someone yelled. She’d grab my hand if I was walking and try to keep me from pulling away. It got bad.
She started to punch me, claiming it was in a joking matter but I’ve been in fist fights with softer blows than that. She then showed me the cuts in her stomach.
I ended up reporting her self-harm to the school, I did mention how she followed me around and touched me even tho repeatedly told me that it needed to stop. They had a professor of psychology talk to her, apparently, she walked around campus for a month screaming about me (she stopped taking classes at that time because of how bad it had gotten). She was just trying to have friends and a boyfriend but went about it in a bad way, so I felt a little bad.
I ended up getting a “fake” girlfriend, a good friend would hold my hand and sit with me whenever she was around, and even went as far as talking about our sex life to make the girl uncomfortable and leave. She tried following my fake girlfriend and I once but fake girlfriend ain’t about that life and made sure it didn’t happen by making the stalker leave first, and then immediately going the opposite way and driving around randomly till we were certain she wasn’t behind us.
I went on a date with a girl that I’d been chatting with on the internet. We traded pics and everything seemed fine, so we agreed to lunch and take it from there. During lunch, she was incredibly giggly, like everything either of us said had a hidden double meaning or something. It was…okay at first, but got old after a while. After lunch, I wasn’t really feeling it and was going to end it, but she suggested we head back to my place. Admittedly she was good-looking enough for me to go there so I agreed.
Once at my apartment, she needed to use the bathroom. She was in there for about 20 minutes so I figured, y’know, poopin’. Whatever. When she came out she had this huge smile on her face. We started talking and she remarked that she noticed I used the same shampoo as her. Then she said that we also use the same soap, toothpaste, and several other toiletries. I realized that she had spent a lot of that time in the bathroom going through my shower, medicine cabinet, and under-the-sink storage. That really creeped me out.
He quit his job so that he could spend half a year making a full-sized oil painting of me using photos of me he got off Facebook as a reference. He brought the painting to my office when he was done and it was shockingly good, nearly photo realistic with tremendous effort put into the background as well.
I was shocked. It was truly beautiful, however, as beautiful as it was I still wasn’t interested in him. He had to learn the hard lesson that you simply cannot win a woman’s love with gifts (Yes, women do marry for money all the time, as is evident from the beautiful women who marry butt-ugly rich guys, but that is a different situation). I simply wasn’t attracted to him and nothing he could give me or do for me would make my brain desire him.
I refused to accept the painting and told him that I didn’t want any further contact with him and preferably to never see him again. It was for his own good. The more contact we had, the longer it would take him to just get over me and forget about me.
I had a girlfriend tell me her grandmother died and left her a huge inheritance. My family and I had been so awesome to her, that she bought me a freakin’ brand new car. Was rocking the heck out of it until she started getting sketchy about the details of the deed and registration. Turns out, she was a certified pathological liar. She took a car on a test drive and just never brought it back. Believe it or not, she’s done worse. She also faked sonograms to convince me she was pregnant, and it turns out those hour-long trips to the ATM to get cash were actually appointments she made hooking on Craigslist. Oh, and she faked her mother’s death so she could manipulate her way into moving in with me.
Back when I was a sophomore in high school I remember I met this nerdy guy who was a senior and was really sweet and we saw one movie together, but he started to follow me around a lot. Like I would notice him walking two feet behind me in the hallways but wouldn’t say anything, he started taking my bus and would be sitting in my usual seat when I got there but would make very little conversation. I told my friends he was making me uncomfortable then I got a text from him blowing up on me for not being honest so I just told him not to contact me again. Maybe a year or so later I got an email from him about two pages long about how he gave me a piece of his heart that he would never get back.
This guy we shall call Jake, had a crush on me for years as well as the other guys I will mention cuz sadly, they were all in my ex-friend group. So this guy had learned my schedule by heart, he knew when I would wake up, leave for school, come back from school, study, eat go to my language academy etc. I learned that because he would send a message saying “Good morning” “Take care” “Welcome back” “Have a nice lesson” etc. At first, I thought it was all a coincidence but when it kept happening it was just creepy. Also, this guy would literally touch my hair a lot and smell it because “you always smell nice”. And something even weirder was that he somehow had my wardrobe MEMORIZED. Like if I’d wear something new he’d know. And I’m not just talking about a fancy dress or shoes, which honestly only my best friend would ever notice (and she’s a girl) but I’m talking about EARRINGS, NECKLACES, MAKEUP, BRACELETS, SHIRTS LITERALLY EVERYTHING!!! It was so creepy because sometimes not even my best friend would notice them.
Also, every time I would get ready for something he’d ask for pictures. Back then I was younger so I didn’t think much of it and sent a selfie or two but now it just seems creepy, especially in combination with the rest. He also had this thing where I’d say I like something, like an album or a book and he’d hing at buying it for me. I pretended not to understand what he meant because I felt guilty and I really didn’t ask for him to buy them for me and didn’t want him to either. He’d do this with food and drinks too like we would all be out and I’d run out of money and he’d just offer to buy me anything the rest were or something I’d say that I thought would be delicious. Also, mind you I HAD A BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME!!!!
As a very naive 16-year-old, I worked at a coffee shop right on the edge of a rough part of town. One day, a young Asian-looking guy came in and ordered coffee. I noticed he was holding jazz cds in his hand, and mentioned that two of my brothers played jazz. That’s it. Just one comment to pass the time from when the coffee left the pot until it landed in his cup.
It turns out, that was a big mistake. He sat in a corner for my entire 8-hour shift. He didn’t say anything more, just watched me. And thereafter, for two straight months, every time I worked, he would come in, order his coffee, shakily try to touch my hand while I handed him his change, and watch me for the duration of my shift.
Then I left for five days to go on a road trip. When I got back, my manager handed me a stack of letters. He loved me, we were perfect together, we were going to make babies together, and he was going to kill himself if I didn’t go out with him. Complete with cartoon drawings of us. Keep in mind that at this point, I had never made a conversation with him other than the initial jazz comment. They were very explicit, disturbing letters and I kind of freaked out, ripped them up and threw them in the garbage. That day, he came in and didn’t say anything except to order his coffee. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time, came out and left. Soon after a customer told me the bathroom needed cleaning so I went to check.
Blood. He drew hearts on the walls with it.
The next day, I went in a bit early. There was a group of guys who were doing road maintenance that came in together every day. They were all Guatemalan, loud, and very sweet. I hung out a bit and told them it would be my last day. Then the crazy guy walked in. I have never been so instinctively frightened in my life. I whimpered and jumped behind the largest Guatemalan, and couldn’t stop shaking. The crazy Asian guy just stood in the middle of the cafe and stared and stared and stared. The Guatemalans could obviously tell something was wrong, and one of them walked me back behind the counter. I told him everything that had happened. He told me to go to the back of the bakery and not come out until he said it was okay. So I did. When I came out, the crazy guy was gone, and the Guatemalans were all drinking coffee. They had talked to him and he wouldn’t bother me again. I have them all free donuts in thanks and was just so relieved the horror story was over that I didn’t think much about it.
Then after my shift, I went out the back way to put the garbage in the dumpster. There was a huge pool of dried blood on the ground. I never asked, and the Guatemalans never told me, but the crazy guy never bothered me again.
Shortly after I broke up with him, my honestly very sweet high school boyfriend broke into my house while I was gone and left a card and roses on my bed to express his sorrow.
Aw honey no.
My mother was more upset than I was. I knew what he meant, but she was like “HOW DID HE GET INTO THE HOUSE”
“He knows where we hide the key Mom”
I had this long-distance bf when I was a kid. He moved to another state which was great for my parents because he was older and they hated him.
So he sent me a care package one day. Huge box. Open it up, in front of my dad of course. There’s a shared journal where we write back and forth, some things from his childhood (like Dollar Tree rubber toy animals and stuff,) and a Hot Topic bag. Oh, cool a t shirt!
Nope. It was a pair of used boxers. On this occasion, I will admit that my mother was right and he was a bit of an idiot.
When my ex and I had just started dating he thought it’d be cute to tickle me. I told him to stop and he laughed and kept doing it. I got up off the couch and curled up in a ball on the floor. He f*cking came over and kept tickling me; I tried to get away and he wouldn’t let me up. I hope not many of you have ever had the experience of being held down by someone vastly stronger than you who’s touching you uncomfortably even though you’re telling him to stop.
When he finally realized what he was doing was definitely not playful or fun, he stopped and apologized. I stupidly decided to give him a second chance instead of breaking up with him then. He continued to not respect my physical boundaries for another few months, and I allowed him to convince me that that was somehow okay.
Third year of undergrad, living in a coed dorm. Down the hall was a room of freshmen girls, all kind of nice in a cloying sort of way, and heavily religious – not my thing, though I’ve got nothing against it.
One of the girls had parents who lived near mine, and she caught a ride home with me for Thanksgiving. We made bland small talk for the two-hour ride, just to pass the time. Dropped her off at her folks’ place, and didn’t think twice about it.
Two weeks later, back at school, I came home from class to find… pictures of babies taped up all over my door. Like, a few dozen, all clipped out of magazines. Courtesy of the girl.
I just kind of stared at it blankly for a moment and feeling majorly creeped out and having no idea what to make of it, I peeled them all off and threw them away.
Three days later… the same thing. This was the girl’s way of hitting on me. Because somehow, in her mind, that trip home proved that we were meant for each other, and this was her idea for provoking some subconscious parenting instinct, prompting us to get religiously married and have lots of babies together.
I threw them away again. She never mentioned it and never talked to me again. And that was OK by me.
The single weirdest thing a woman has done to me. I had a coworker who told everyone we were dating, which was not true. She would text me obsessively and get jealous if I talked to other girls – again, we were not dating.
The craziest was when she started asking for a place to stay, claiming her parents had kicked her out and she was homeless. Before I could even respond her mother called me to tell me it wasn’t true. When I confronted her she mumbled something about how she just wanted to be close to me.
One girl I worked with discovered we shared some interests and basically told me she was going to stalk me until we went out. I told her “Please don’t” and that I was in a relationship. She asked what my girlfriend’s name was. I told her I’d rather not say. She then intimated that I didn’t really have one, then something about how was she supposed to know who the competition was, etc.
She IM’d me one night and I begged off, saying we were going out with friends to dinner and a movie. What restaurant? What film? What theater? Ummm, no. “Tell her you’re sick and then come over.”
Went to HR the next day and showed them the IMs. She was a contractor, so they just canceled the contract. I pre-emptively blocked her on IM, but she emailed my work email with lots of “f*ck yous,” called me a dirty liar, said I had come on to her, etc. Somehow she had gotten my phone number, and the texts and phone calls started. I finally told her if I heard from her again, I was going to the police and filing a restraining order. She told me that a restraining order didn’t scare her, that she had already had one filed against her and that the cops didn’t do anything when she violated it. But in any case, I didn’t hear from her after that.
Because of this girl, I still don’t use my real name online anywhere.
I had a girlfriend freshman year of high school. We dated for 5 months but on our “6th month anniversary” she texted me “Happy 6th anniversary :)”
She originally broke up with me because she wanted to be with someone else. I was overjoyed when she broke up with me because she would always threaten suicide when I would bring up breaking up.
After 4 hours of breaking up with me, she called and texted trying to convince me that she wanted to get back together.
I eventually told her heck no, and a few weeks passed in awkward silence.
We both go to a party for a mutual friend, but little did I know that everyone at the party is in on this.
As time goes on people end up having to leave and I see that she is panicking because they were supposed to help her with what’s coming next.
When I was the last person at the party besides her and the mutual friend, she started to sing with the mutual friend playing piano.
-Everyone at the party was supposed to play an instrument-
She handed me a notepad with the lyrics of the song, in each stanza one letter was highlighted.
By the end of the song it spells out “Can we try again?”
The mutual friend runs into the closet on the far side of the room to let us “figure things out”
I’m trying my hardest to not scream and run.
I slowly tell her that I do not want to date her again and she collapses into tears. Now here is the part that was caused by a combination of my freshman awkwardness and manners.
I cross the room, open up the closet that the mutual friend is hiding in and thank her for having me over, but no, I will not date her again.
The mutual friend walks me to the door, during which we have to walk past my sobbing ex.
I opened the front door, stumbled into the light and called my dad, begging him to pick me up.