Alright, imagine a world where revenge isn’t all fire and fury but rather served with a side of sarcasm and a hint of mischief. These aren’t your typical tales of payback; they’re more like a subtle art form of settling scores. Picture grievances addressed with a wink, and justice dished out with style. As we journey through these stories of cunning, patience, and witty comebacks, get ready to be amused, maybe even inspired by the magic of understated retaliation.
So my brothers and sisters basically ordered me and my wife to buy their children (our nieces and nephews) expensive gifts for Christmas because, according to them, we were “well off”.
We’re not really, we’re just financially responsible.
But since they asked for it, and it’s already on the budget, we decided to be vindictive this year.
So for the most amazing Christmas, our nieces and nephews will each get:
5 tubs of Play Dough – which sticks to everything
5kgs of Multi colored Kinetic Sand – which gets everywhere
5 tubs of gooey slime – see all above
5 packs of filled Water Balloons
Age-appropriate Nerf gun and safety glass.
This should be a fun Christmas.
My boss LOVES to call me at 6:15 A.M. to ask me if I would LIKE to fill the shifts of the people who just called in sick.
This is an everyday thing.
I was bored and frustrated, so I decided to volunteer at 3:30 a.m. to call this same manager to ask if they needed extra help. He got super-pissed and tried to write me up for it. I showed the GM the time stamps of the calls I had received.
I don’t get calls anymore.
My father-in-law had travelled down to attend my and my fiancé’s engagement party, he was getting ready and staying at my house.
I had my hair half curled and my makeup half done, with not much time left. I was visibly rushing. He handed me his shirt and said “iron this for me.” Apparently, my vagina gave me the necessary qualifications for being the Chief Ironer.
I took it off him with a smile and ironed the vinyl (I think?) print on the highest setting and ruined his shirt. Melted the logo and got scorch marks on the shirt. Oops. “Sorry FIL, I don’t know why you thought I’d be good at ironing but I’m terrible at it! I tried my best though.”
He had to wear an ill-fitting replacement from my fiancé, he ironed that one himself.
I was recently laid off from my remote job. It was a last-minute video chat with HR and then my entire access was cut off as soon as the call ended. No time to say goodbye to anyone, no time to retrieve any personal files from my laptop, sh*tty severance. But then the kicker was telling me that I needed to ship their laptop back ASAP.
I’ve had other companies send pre-paid laptop boxes to return equipment or just say to keep it. This company expected me to waste my time packing up the computer and then finding a place to ship it back. Seems like a lot to ask of someone you just got rid of like a piece of trash.
They gave me their shipping account code and told me I could just charge it on their account. I eventually get around to going across town only to be told the code doesn’t work and I have to pay out of pocket. At this point, I’m very annoyed with this process. The company tells me I can pay out of pocket and they’ll reimburse me. Ok. I can do that.
So I found the most expensive option I could find and added some bathroom tiles into the box to make it extra heavy and had it shipped. I also shipped my mouse and power supply separately in the same expensive fashion with extra weight. Total cost $840. The cost of the laptop is probably about $500.
Anyways f*ck them. I did as I was told. Maybe next time they won’t fire people and then expect them to drive around town to return their stuff.
I dislike cooking. Don’t get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.
At my in-laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay-at-home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lifts a finger to help and they like it that way.
Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. The first few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.
So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they could cook but to give me a list of what I should make, I will buy it.
They said that’s not how traditions work and if I hate it so much, I can relax with men.
That’s exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped set place and serve, but that was it.
As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn’t be cooking anything for him. When he said he could cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.
I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.
Due to some neighbors flying BLM flags, Thin blue line flags, and other opinion flags, our HOA decided last month that we’re only allowed to fly the USA flag, and nothing else. The day after the decision, we received an email that someone reported our Pride flag (that we had in our house since 2016), and that we needed to take it down. We complied and removed the flag. Looking through our new rules, we noticed that removable lights are permitted without restriction so… we bought 6 colored flood lights, and we washed our house in pride colors. A little less subtle than our simple flag. A lot more fun for anyone complaining about the flag itself and what it represents.
Happened this morning. Even though I made a complete and full stop at a 4-way stop, I got pulled over by a police vehicle, lights flashing, the works. I turn my dash cam around to face me and whoever goes in front of the driver’s side window.
I roll it down and ask “What seems to be the problem officer?” The officer looks at me the way one would look at a sticky piece of gum stuck to the bottom of one’s shoe. “You didn’t make a complete stop,” he says. I adjusted one of my hearing aids (lost part of my hearing due to being a touring session musician previously) and before I could speak, he firmly ordered “Sir, take off your earphones when I’m talking to you!”
I take both hearing aids off and look at him. I can read lips a little but we’re both masked so I can’t understand what he’s saying. I communicate in sign language simultaneously while speaking verbally “I’m deaf and I didn’t understand what you just said. Can you communicate with me in ASL (American Sign Language) please? He points at my hearing aids that look like Apple Air Pods, motioning me to put them on. I responded, “Yes officer, without those I can only communicate in ASL. Please instruct me in ASL and I will be compliant in every possible way”.
He looks at the dashcam that’s neatly pointed squarely at us and mumbles “For f*ck’s sake”. He then motions for me to go, giving me 2 thumbs up. Needless to say, I rolled up the window and drove away as fast as legally allowed.
Couldn’t wipe the smile off my face all day, Lol.
My Father worked for a Forbes 500 company since the 70s. Moved up the ranks as a software engineer and management, and has patents for the company that saved it millions of dollars. He’s almost to pension age and suddenly HR starts making his life miserable. He noticed this trend was happening to some of his coworkers when they were getting close to age 60 as well.
HR Lady calls him into the office and says that he was not punching in and out at the correct time. My Father, an engineer, is very very detail oriented. He knew that these were false accusations and asked HR to prove it. They came back a week later and couldn’t prove it. And he said, “Of course you can’t. I have been driving the corporate carpool bus from [A major city 40 miles away from the company] for the last 15 years. I always have 16 witnesses on my clock in time and I haven’t been late in 15 years.”
HR Lady came back a week later and they said that they were going to fire him for letting people into the building without badging. He asked to see when and where he was letting someone into the building without badging. They showed that he held the door for his best friend who had also been working there since the 70s who had his foot cut off after having type 2 diabetes. He was in a wheelchair.
Prior to this my dad took the chief of security out for lunch and told him about how this company wanted him to leave before he got his pension so he got some footage of his own. My dad said, “That is very interesting. You are going to fire me for holding the door for my best friend of 35 years after his foot was amputated and he was in a wheelchair? Fine, then I hope you fire the CEO and yourself as well!!!” He then proceeded to show footage of the HR lady holding the door for his friend and the CEO holding the door for his friend.
My Father ended up staying there until he got his pension.
I worked for an orthopedic surgeon who constantly ate people’s lunches and would leave $10 on the fridge. He really loved left-over home-cooked meals.
” I don’t get lunches off, I have to work to keep paying your salary. You can go buy another lunch” He would say.
I hated him so much, but I got paid a lot. He was fresh out of his internship and residency, and he thought he was above everyone.
We complained to the office manager. She went to the doctor and said we were all pissed about it. The doctor told her to “deal with it”. If the Doctor decided to eat one of our lunches, we could have the office manager just order us something.
This was amazing! There were 2 people besides me who had family and kids, so we always brought leftovers.
If he ate my food, I ordered from the most expensive steak place in town. Appetizers, 22 oz steak, 3 sides, a salad, and dessert. I’d eat the salad, and the rest went home. And of course, there are plenty of leftovers to take to work the next day!
The rest of the staff was doing the same. Ordering full chickens, 4-5 different Chinese dishes, spending hundreds of dollars to replace stolen meatloaf sandwiches and day-old soups and spaghetti.
The office manager went along with it. After all, he said we could order what we wanted if he took our lunch.
It went on for 2 months until d*ckhead doc caught on. From then on, he had the office manager order him lunch.
I did miss trading off a cold pork chop and Spanish rice for prime rib and all the fixings.
I worked as a systems administrator for an IT Firm. I got tired of dealing with abusive and angry clients for 5 years. I got tired of being micromanaged and being exploited. I got tired of being talked down to like I was a child anytime the slightest little mistake was made. When my boss learned I was no longer going to work in another market 3 days a week like I originally planned and he had no one else (because no one wanted to deal with the jerks in that market), he spent an hour lecturing me on “taking a long hard look at myself”. He said that he was concerned about my reliability after refusing to spend 3 hours a day commuting to the other market on top of my work day. “If I can’t rely on you to work in the other market then I just don’t know if you have much of a future with this company. I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself and gain some perspective”. You know what, you are absolutely right. 2 weeks later, I found a new job and gave my notice. He BEGGED me to stay, offered me more money, etc. This went on for days. I said “no thanks, I finally found that perspective you wanted me to find. Boy, am I glad I did! A new job with a raise and benefits, and no stress. The only advice you’ve ever given me of value! Good luck to you!”. He let me go a week into my notice. Started the new job, love my new boss and my coworkers. It’s been over a year later, the former boss hired 6 different people to fill my spot, each lasting 1-2 months before they left. Hmmm, wonder why that is. Maybe he needs to gain some perspective on how to run a company and treat people?
I was working a 2nd job at our local small grocery and butcher shop, a few nights a week to pay for my kid’s activities. I was hired as a cashier.
The person who did the end-of-day butcher shop clean-up/sanitizing quit. So instead of hiring someone for clean up, the owners decided that the cashiers could just do it between customers.
The owner sat at their office ( watching tv and f*cking around) and when a customer came in (the doorbell would ring), they would buzz the phone in the butcher area for the cashier to come to check them out. When I came in for my shift at 6 p.m. and was told about the new set-up, I told them NO. I was not hired to clean up the butcher area, I was hired to run the register and stock shelves.
The owner then said I would clean the butcher shop or I could consider myself fired and they walked away. I said Fine, I grabbed my things and left.
Apparently, the owner thought I had given in and was doing the cleaning. So they buzzed the butcher area when customers came in for about 2 hours before someone told them no one was coming to check them out. In the store’s liquior area, cigarettes and scratchers got emptied out.
It was 7:30 and I got a screaming phone call from the owner about how he was calling the police and I was going to get arrested. Yeah, right.
The owner did call the police, The owner stated he wanted me arrested as an accomplice to the thefts, because I had left. Cops asked me to come to the store, which I did, and I explained that the owner had fired me, so I went home and the CCTV would prove that fact. The tape was reviewed, and plain as day, the owner said I was fired.
I estimate they lost about $30.000.00.
I usually pay with things using my credit card. I find that it’s way more convenient than carrying cash.
This one restaurant that I go to has recently started a policy that I don’t like. I’m constantly reminded of this policy by one snooty cashier. Every time she rings you up, she says the total, and then she makes a big production of seeing the credit card, hits another button, and then says a higher total. She then smiles and says “Just a reminder. It’s cheaper to pay with cash.”
Today, I put this policy to the test. When she did her little head bob of recognition at my credit card, I put it away and said “Actually I’m paying cash today.” I pulled nearly 60 quarters out of my pocket and set them on the counter.
She looked like someone had just thrown up all over her. That fake cheeriness she typically has when touting the policy evaporated. I turned to the folks behind me, smiled sweetly, and said “Sorry it’s cheaper to pay with cash!” As the seconds turned into minutes, I just kept repeating “Sorry folks, they get charged a fee to use credit cards. It’s cheaper with cash.”
It’s not about the money for me. It’s about the principle of it. Cards are easier, cleaner, and more convenient, as the cashier found out in a very visceral way as she counted the quarters.
Honestly, the whole thing reminded me of those old commercials that compelled me to get the credit card in the first place.
Price of a meal with cash: $14.30
Price of a meal with card: $14.87
The look on that snooty b*tch’s face: priceless
So I got turned down for a promotion recently. I was told that I get distracted too easily and don’t focus on my job. I got told that I needed to stop trying to run in to be a hero if I ever wanted to be considered for a promotion. I was told that I needed to work as directed. So for context, I have been doing my boss’s work for him. When things at work get backed up I will jump in to get things back in order quickly. My job has fairly specific jobs where we aren’t supposed to change positions and we are to work as directed. I have gone to help out those outside of my job repeatedly since being hired. My direct supervisor and manager love it when I go to help out. Well that all stopped now. I even had the big boss try to tell me to help out in a section that was outside my job description. My new catchphrase is “Not my Job”. I had the bosses tell me that I was to do as instructed. I instead go to the union and get paid and extra to work in a different section. This has been the new trend for the past couple of months.
And today it all hit a head. They have only 1 person in receiving for a 4 man crew. I work outbound. They cannot force me to work receiving based on the contract. Now the bosses are working in there and a grievance is being filed. The bosses have stopped working and receiving is completely backed up. I just had my manager come and beg me to help. I told him “Not my job. I need to remain focused on my job and not try to be a hero”. Work has ground to a halt and the steward is demanding a triple rate for anyone moved to receive since management decided to work.
So I work in a tech company, usually, we have a software deployment every other Thursday. The team usually has a long meeting on Friday (2-3 hours) after deployment. However, usually we have some minor issues after deployment and I have to do a lot of monitoring and fixing, so I usually ask the team to push the meeting to Monday so we can stabilise the system first.
A few weeks ago in the meeting, they pointed out how I’m always postponing the meeting, and we never have it on its set date which is Friday. I mentioned that usually, the system wasn’t stable on Friday and I had to fix it. But they all agreed that we must stick to the schedule. I was like “Okay”.
After 2 weeks, I attended the meeting at its scheduled time on Friday. It went on for like 3 hours. When we came out, there were hundreds of emails and tickets from the client, the servers were down for hours right at peak usage time. Our clients were PISSED and had lost tens of thousands of dollars during that time.
The thing is, it was already the end of my workday, so my boss had to pay me a hefty amount for working on weekends, and twice the days in leave as a replacement.
This happened around the year 2000. I had just purchased a house and met the previous owners while they were moving out. They were really nice people and we had a friendly conversation about the house. The previous owner mentioned that the cable bill was paid up until the end of the month (about 3 more weeks), and that he had already turned in his cable box, but the cable signal should still be active til the end of the month. I told him thanks and we let him finish packing up.
We moved in the following week and when I hooked the cable to my TV I got all the basic cable channels which was all I was planning on getting anyway.
Come the end of the month, I called the cable company and asked to sign up for basic cable. The sales rep told me that there was going to be a $100 hookup fee. I told them that the previous owner had left his account active and that I was literally watching cable as we spoke, so there should not need to be a hook-up fee because the cable was already hooked up. They just needed to start billing me for basic cable.
The rep then clicked on her keyboard and told me that her data showed that the address I was at did not have cable and that they would need to send out a crew to activate the signal. I told her that I was not paying $100 for a hookup fee and said never mind, I don’t want cable.
I waited another month (still had cable) and called the cable company back to ask what it would cost to get basic cable. A different operator from before said it would cost something like $30 a month and a $100 hook-up fee. I asked why the $100 hookup fee? She said that it was because my address does not currently have cable. I told her never mind, I don’t want cable unless they waive the hookup fee. She said she was not authorized to waive the fee. I just thanked her and hung up.
4 years later, we still had cable, but we ended up moving out of state for work.
I had a customer come in complaining about a vibration. I put the vehicle on the lift and checked the front end. I found a nearly broken tie rod and a faulty rack and pinion. So basically the passenger side front wheel was not fully secured to the steering system and would soon break and cause the wheel to be completely disconnected from the steering.
I told the customer how much the repair would be and told her it was unsafe to drive. She asked me to put it back together so she could leave. I told her that I could not do that because if it broke after I let her leave, I could be held liable. She started yelling and screaming about calling the cops and suing me and how her cousin’s brother knows a guy who’s related to the chief of police and I’ll be arrested.
She called the police and they came out, I showed the officers the vehicle and they understood the safety concern. They told me to just put the car down and let her leave. I did and even made her sign a statement declining crucial safety repairs.
She left with the most “Haha, I told you so” smug grin on her face… Until she left the property, got pulled over and her car impounded. They also gave her a ticket for reckless driving.
I was so happy seeing her car get towed.
When going over my expense report my company saw I tipped 20% for lunch one afternoon. Lunch was $15, the tip was $3. They told me that it was too much “because I wouldn’t do that with my money”. Heck yeah, I do. I just took the better part of an hour of my server’s time. The least I could do is leave $3. It’s $3 for crying out loud, but rules are rules. However, my company is fairly generous allowing me $75 a day to spend on food, which I never do and that’s about to change. For lunch today instead of my usual salad or sandwich, I went for the lobster grilled cheese. And of course upgraded my regular fries to the duck fat fries. Enjoy “saving” that 5% for the rest of my travel meal expenses.
My daughter is a wonderful kid. She’s smart, she’s also a smarta**.
She was really into salami pizza but I wouldn’t allow more than one a week, obviously. So she got the idea of “In France, children get to eat everything they want seven times a week! That is why they like it!”
Now, she got it all wrong. The saying goes they have to try a certain food seven times before they can decide whether they like it.
But I understood her wish: salami pizza. Every day. She had this malicious little sh*t-eating grin of “Gotcha!”.
I answered with the same grin: “Okay. You’ll get salami pizza the next week. Only salami pizza. Nothing else.”
She was hyped. Yay! All the pizza! Her favourite frozen types! All of them!
Monday morning rolls around. She gets salami pizza for breakfast. Fantastic! Best parent!
Monday noon. Leftover from the morning.
Monday evening, time for the second pizza. I make some for the rest of the family, too. Everyone enjoys salami pizza. Fun!
Tuesday morning. Guess what’s for breakfast?! Exactly. The daughter asks for something else. I remind her of my promise. Salami pizza all day, every day for a week. Reluctant yay!
Tuesday noon she skips the pizza.
Tuesday evening we’re having something else, while she chews on her pizza. It isn’t as cool anymore I guess.
Wednesday morning she sneaks a slice of bread, but I stop her and heat her a salami pizza. She breaks down and asks me to stop.
Lesson learned: Don’t try to outsmart your parents. You might get exactly what you were asking for!
So my first job was as a server at a very popular 24-hour breakfast diner/chain. We had lots of colorful customers. One morning, I’m serving a woman sitting by herself. I ask her what I can get her, and she says she’d like an omelette. We have a list of pre-built omelettes, or you can build your own, so I asked her how she’d like her omelette. “Just a regular omelette, please,” she tells me.
“Okay, so you don’t want one of the signature omelettes, what would you like inside of yours?” I ask
“Nothing, just a regular omelette.” She replies with a huff
I pause for a second because this order does occur, but not often. Some people like their eggs scrambled and cooked then rolled up. “So you’d like an omelette with nothing inside?”
“YES! A plain omelette!” She snaps, now irritated that I’ve questioned her several times.
So I entered the order, a 5-egg omelette with no fillings and no toppings. A few minutes later it comes out, and she is appalled. “What is THIS?!”
Your plain omelette, I reply…
“But where is the cheese, or the ham or the onions?!”. She is irate.
“Ma’am, you ordered an omelette with nothing inside…”
She gets cocky and says “An omelette is eggs rolled up with ham, cheese, and onions! Everything else is extra! You should know this, working at a breakfast place!”
I look at her deadpan and inform her “Actually, ma’am, omelette is French for scrambled eggs that are fried and rolled or folded; everything else is extra”
I’m busy so I walk off and help other colorful customers, meanwhile she flags down a manager to complain, who confirms what I told her and points out that in the menu there is, very specifically, a ham cheese and onion omelette with a large picture in the middle of the page. Then tells her she has to re-order her meal and wait a second time.
She didn’t leave a tip.
This happened a long time ago but still tickles me. We had just gotten married the day before and the next morning my husband woke up and told me he wanted cabbage, sausage and potatoes for dinner. At this point, I had never eaten sausage and was never going to it strangely enough and never had cabbage. I told him I didn’t eat those things and he simply told me that that’s what I was fixing.
So I unpacked the new pots and pans is that the biggest pot on the stove and added water, cabbage, and potatoes with seasonings. I turned it on high. When everything inside the pot, which was Teflon, burnt to a crisp I still left it there until it completely ruined the pot.
When he got home I told him going forward I would be cooking dinners that we both could eat. As we have been dating almost 3 years I clearly knew what kind of foods we both liked. He was seriously mad. I calmly stuck to my guns and told him he wasn’t going to bully me and just because we were married doesn’t mean he got to tell me what to do. The marriage lasted a year and a half. I couldn’t wait to get away.
A bar in my town used to host live bands all the time until one of the neighbors complained about the noise. It turns out the zoning rules didn’t allow them to have live music and they almost got shut down. The bar owner read over said zoning rules and noticed that the wording forbade them to have live music indoors… but they could have it outdoors. So they moved the stage to the patio section, where it would be even louder for the neighbors, and still be legal.
They still have live music sometimes, but not nearly as often as they used to. Don’t want to push their luck, I guess.
I’ve never met anyone that said “Oh good, an HOA.”
We all have trash cans, but the sight of them offends the delicate eyes of some, so I complied with the new rule of ‘no seeing bins from the street’.
I find a notice of my bins being out, which is surprising because I’m the only one who touches the cans and I know I’m 100% compliant.
I called in and asked why I got the notice. The full description says “Bins in the driveway with lids off.” I asked if this happened to be a Tuesday, and sure enough, it was. Wednesday was a pickup, and I was doing my weekly cleaning. I was f*cking using them, I calmly explained through gritted teeth.
“Oh okay, I’ll remove the notice.” Great, but how do I prevent this from happening again? “Oh, uh…I guess notify us.” Alright, I said, I’ll notify you every time I’m using my trash cans. “Oh, that won’t be necessary….” Clearly, it is.
That was five Tuesdays ago. Today, I once again called promptly at ten o’clock and let Alan know I was about to use my trash cans. “You know what, Mr. Endoman? I’m just going to put a hold on any trash can notices for you.” Hey, that would be swell, Alan.
That would be swell.
So, when I was living in the city, I had a contract with my internet provider. (Rogers, for my fellow Canadians) After a year in my apartment, I decided to move in with my then-boyfriend (now-husband) on a farm. A farm on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. So I called to cancel my internet.
Me: I need to cancel, I’m moving-
Them: (interrupting me) Your service moves with you! You signed a contract for x years and it only ends early if we are unable to provide service!
Me: you ARE unable to provide service, I’m moving to a rural area.
Them: not possible! We provide service to many rural communities. What’s your new postal code? (I provide it) that’s for the town name. We have service in the town name.
Me: but I’m not living in the town name. That’s just my postal address. I’m living on a farm OUTSIDE of town.
Them: repeats contract speech, with the additional offer of an absurd buyout fee if I want to cancel my contract early “without cause”
cue malicious compliance
Me: fine! You know what, I would LOVE high-speed internet instead of sh*tty satellite internet! When can you come?
The install guy had to call me three times from the van. Twice because he was lost and a third time because he was stuck in a snow drift. When he finally arrived it took him about 30 seconds to determine that there was obviously no infrastructure for high-speed internet. I offered him hot coffee for his trouble coming out and he happily cancelled my service free of charge and accepted my equipment return. Cost Rogers a 3-4 hour call out when you count the drive, just to try to keep one impossible contract.
I worked as a cook at a chain restaurant that had a ‘wing night’ where you could get a pound of wings at a discounted price.
We didn’t actually weigh the wings, our specs said eight wings to a pound. Four drums and four flats.
One night a table comes in and everyone orders a pound of wings. A little while after the wings go out, the server comes back a little flustered and explains there has been a complaint.
Apparently, one of the guys at the table complained that it was ‘obvious’ that he didn’t get a pound, because it would be a huge coincidence if everyone’s pounds led to the same number of wings on each plate. He insisted that the server go and weigh these (already discounted) wings to make sure he was “getting what he paid for”.
So we weighed it. Sure enough, it was not a pound. It was a pound and a half. We tell the server to bring it out and tell him he’s getting more than a pound. She says “f*ck no. He paid for a pound, he’s going to “get what he paid for” and threw two of his wings in the garbage and re-weighted the food. Still over. Throws another one out. Bang on 1 pound of wings.
So she brings back out his 5 wings and calmly tells the gentleman “Here are your wings sir. You were right, there was more than a pound there. So we threw the other ones out. Good catch”.
When they ordered a second round, he didn’t complain that everyone got 8 wings to a “pound”.
I moved from Pennsylvania to Michigan a few years ago and only go home once a year or so. A few years back I transferred the vast majority of my bank account to Michigan, but they were giving me a hard time about closing the account and so I withdrew all funds except for $1.31.
I haven’t touched the account since that time so two years later I get a notice for inactivity stating that I will be charged five dollars if my account remains inactive for 2 years. I spoke with 3 different people on the phone but they would not let me close out the account without incurring a fee and since I’m never moving back to that town I refuse to pay them or add any money to the account.
Cue MC- so I have to interact with the account once every two years or else pay you five dollars? Fine, give me $0.01, please.
When I was there in person last month I withdrew one penny from the account so now it’s good for another two years. The attendant definitely gave me a weird look but at this rate my account will remain open for the next 260 years!
So when I travel by plane (which happens about 2/3 times per year) I’m usually quite conscious about the weight of my luggage because of how much you have to pay if it exceeds the limit. This time I put a bit more stuff in because of gifts but I thought I was fine. I pass the police and get to the check-in, where a woman in her late 30s/early 40s who reminded me of my old history teacher indicated me to proceed. I gave my passport, did the usual stuff, and I put my luggage on the scale which showed 23.05kg (the limit being 23). I was quite pleased with myself while looking at it, thinking I got it just right, but NO, the woman told me I needed to pay 50€ for excess baggage. I look at her confused, telling her it’s 50 grams, surely it doesn’t matter, she repeats herself and we start arguing until she says: “Either you pay 50€ or you somehow make the luggage 50g lighter”. (I didn’t have a carry so I couldn’t take anything with me).
At that moment I remember the 200g of chocolate that is sitting in the luggage and I start smiling. I open the luggage, take the chocolate out and start nibbling at it with a grin on my face while looking at the woman, who goes from Pikachu face to annoyed. She told me to hurry up (even though I was the only one in line) so I offered her some and she just stared at me. I ended up eating exactly a quarter of the 200g and lo and behold the scale showed 23kg. The woman gives me my ticket while glaring at me, and I tell her to have a good day.
I got off work at about 11:48 PM on New Year’s Eve, went on a really long date that ended sadly, and went to get dinner at 4:20. I ordered a burger at a burger place over their app and paid for it that way, so it would be done when I got there. I get there and the woman is very confused. The manager is brought over and he laughs in my face saying,” Well your problem is that we are selling breakfast.” I told them about how the app, website, and Google say differently and they didn’t care. I sighed and asked for a refund which the woman said,” Nope. Can’t refund, sorry.” After some back and forth I said,” Fine, then I’ll call the police.”
She replied back with,” Do it.” Now I wouldn’t call the police over a cheeseburger, but mine had bacon. I called the non-emergency number and a police car came over…. then another. When they pulled up I realized,” I just called the police over a d*mn hamburger.”
End result, I got basically a slip to come back any time the next day for free lunch which I just finished eating.
I work at a cinema and the other day I had a guy come up and request to see a movie. I asked if he wanted to see the 2 p.m. session (it was around 1.30 p.m.) and he replied ‘obviously’. It’s not always obvious to me though and I’d rather be safe than sorry so I always check. It’s also a thing at my cinema where if you sign up for our rewards program (free to join) you save a hefty amount of cash off each ticket so I always suggest joining before selling a ticket. I started my spiel with this guy when he interrupted and said ‘I’m not joining anything’. So I asked if he had any concession cards and he rolled his eyes and said ‘no, I just said I’m not joining anything’’ which wasn’t even what I had asked him. At this point, I’m getting annoyed cause I’m just trying to help the dude save money and he’s getting annoyed with any question I ask him. I know I have to ask where he wants to sit and when I do he says ‘in a seat’. I ask if he wants to be more specific and he gives me the filthiest look and says ‘This is taking so f*cking long, just put me anywhere’. It had only been probably a minute or two of conversation so I’m pretty ticked off at this point. So, I picked his seat for him. Front row as far to the side as possible in a 400-person cinema with a giant a** screen.
So we have this big company-wide meeting every year where the CEO comes in and discusses profit margins, raises, plans for the future, etc. It lasts about an hour, sometimes more. Meanwhile, our work gets backed up while we are stuck sitting in this meeting and we always end up working overtime. Well, this year the boss in our department says that the meeting counts as our lunch break. I give my coworker the look, we glance around. Seems everyone is in silent agreement. We all show up to the meeting with our lunch boxes and proceed to casually eat lunch at the corporate meeting. All 60 of us from our department. The CEO stops his spiel after a few minutes, our supervisor claims ignorance. I speak up and say boss said this counts as our lunch, and I’m not skipping my lunch. Boss tries to deny having said that. Ceo asks who can verify this and everyone raises their hand. Guess who got an official reprimand from the CEO himself? One more of those and the boss is out the door.