Have you ever found yourself lost in thought, only to realize you’re quite literally lost in a new place? It’s as if our brains switch to autopilot, and suddenly, the familiar becomes foreign, the routine turns into a comedy show, and we’re left wondering, “What were we thinking?” In this lighthearted exploration, we’ll dive into the side-splitting stories of people’s autopilot adventures – those moments when our internal GPS seems to malfunction, and hilarity ensues. These tales of unintentional amusement – are a reminder that even in the midst of our most baffling mental detours, laughter is the compass guiding us back to reality.
Woke up early Monday morning in a bit of a panic. I forgot to buy cat food yesterday. The cat must be starving. I hurry and get ready for work. I plan a detour to the store to buy the cat food. On the drive there I’m planning my run into the store and I realize I don’t know what aisle the food is on. How could I not remember what aisle the cat food is on? Then it hits me. I don’t have a cat. I haven’t had one for several years.
I was maybe 18 years old at the time when I saw this dude get into a car that looked exactly like mine. There weren’t many cars like mine and it was a weird colour, so when I saw this dude getting into the car and driving off, I thought he had stolen my car…so I got into a car chase and drove after him…[think about it].
After a couple of blocks and honking the horn, it dawned on me…I’m driving my car!
When I was a brand-new mom on maternity leave, but still trying to juggle law school and a newborn, my sister-in-law had an emergency and had to leave her Boston terrier with me. Even though he was a very well-behaved dog and had met the baby, we still kept them separated just in case.
One morning, after my husband left for work, I picked up the baby out of the bassinet and went downstairs to make coffee. My husband had forgotten something and promptly came right back in to find me at the counter, brewing coffee, rocking a black and white dog in one arm, while our son still quietly chilling in his bassinet upstairs.
He took the day off from work and I went back to sleep.
Drove myself to my ex-girlfriend’s house when I was supposed to be going to dinner with my new girlfriend. I didn’t snap out of it until I was on my ex’s front porch about to knock. I went on sh*t and went to turn away when my ex opened her door asking why I was there and if everything was okay. I just awkwardly stumbled over my words, turned away and walked back to my car and drove off.
My girlfriend called me to remind me to pick her up for dinner with her mom on her birthday. I was really excited to go, and happy I had a girl that wanted me to meet her family. I felt really good about that and man did I need it on this day. I had 2 people quit coincidentally on the same day both to start their own ventures. I was really happy for them, but at the same time really jealous. I had long thought about starting my own thing, having that freedom to do what I want. Am I afraid because I am comfortable in this job? Do I even like this career? What would the business be in and do I have the soft skills outside of just development to make a business work? I remembered someone I admired in the business was always hilarious and he referenced it as a way of keeping employees and getting clients.
I decided I definitely needed some comfort food with my newfound self-reflection. As I got in the car I fired up a new comedy podcast my friend was making and it really was hilarious. I was bummed I didn’t have his talent for timing and making these jokes happen and kept thinking about how it was a bridge for a lot of social situations. Am I even funny? Are people laughing at me or with me? When I get home I decide making some pasta will be the comfort food I need, and I am not going to be shy with the cheese. As I often do, I jump right into pajamas, start cooking, and ponder my thoughts for the day on starting my own business and my lack of comedy.
That’s when my girl facetime me. I pick up and she sees me cooking pasta, in pajamas, and not looking happy. Then I remembered this whole thing started because I was supposed to pick her up for dinner after work to meet her mom. She yells at me, deservedly so, why the f*ck I am not there yet and explains what she is seeing. All I can blurt out is “I am thinking about starting my own business, and I don’t think I am very funny.”
I cooked pasta with tomato sauce. Then my apartment owner called that somehow a rent didn’t go through and I had to pay it afterwards. Usually, after I’m finished cooking I wash the pots directly with dish detergent. This time I put the pasta on a plate but put the dish detergent on the pasta and put the sauce on the sponge and started to wash the noodle pot with my pasta sauce.
I normally only see my neighbour when I arrive home from walking my dogs- so I’m holding the dogs on leashes as I greet the old guy next door most times and have to tell the dogs to come along. One day I’d dropped the dogs off inside my place and headed out to bring the bins in after collection. See the neighbour and exchange greetings as per usual. As we finish I turn to the bin and say ‘C’mon, let’s go”.
We moved across town, and one day about two years later I drove to the wrong place. I get out and start walking up the hill, and just find rubble.
I knew very well that they’d been tearing the place down for a month or so, I’d driven past it. I kinda wish I hadn’t known that though, that would make for a better story. “OH MY GOD MY HOUSE IS DESTROYED!”
But no, I realized I had driven to the wrong place but my brain was so sure I was right that it wouldn’t let go of it. It took me about 10 seconds (maybe– it may have been 2 or 3 seconds. It felt like forever) to remember where I lived.
I was driving a rental car and noticed the gas was low. I was at a stop light so I rolled down the window and stuck my head out to see if I could see the gas tank on the driver’s side. While I was looking, I felt a raindrop land on my head. Without thinking, I reached down and hit the button to roll up the window. Suddenly I panicked as my head was getting slowly smashed by the rising window and I had no idea what was happening. I panicked and escaped and slowly figured out what I had just done.
I looked up to see a very confused girl stopped in the car next to me was looking at me. She had no context for why I had stuck my head out of the car and, for some reason, decided to smash it with the power window.
I was talking to my friend and got on a topic about something that I had been looking up on my phone. Started to search for my phone so I could send him the link.
I couldn’t find it anywhere. I was talking to him while walking from room to room looking everywhere, checking my pants pockets, looking in the weird random places I’ve left it before.
Eventually, I told him I’d send it to him when I found my phone. He reminded me that I was talking to him on my phone.
Taking my husband out for his birthday to his favorite place, autopilot drove to work and parked. He didn’t say anything because he thought it was hilarious.
Got out of the shower, dried off, grabbed my comb, grabbed the toothpaste, applied toothpaste to the comb, and paused…
I only stopped because, for a few seconds, I legitimately did not know if I was supposed to brush my teeth or comb my hair. I knew I should do one or the other, but I also knew I couldn’t do both with what I had in my hand. So I just stood there looking at my comb with a glob of toothpaste spread across it. Then I looked in the mirror and wondered if I was still dreaming.
Then I snapped out of it, had a good chuckle, rinsed off my comb, and got on with my routine as normal.
I once misplaced an important paper for a class. This was the late 80s and we didn’t have a PC, so it was handwritten.
I knew I had it when I woke up and was getting ready, but I couldn’t find it when I was packing my book bag.
I frantically looked, retracing my steps, but no sign of it.
I had to give up to get to school on time, but explained to the teacher why I didn’t have it ready. I was a pretty good student, so she just told me she’d let me slide for the day and to bring it in the next class.
I went straight home from school and searched every d*mn inch of the house. Behind/under/in every piece of furniture, every drawer, closet, room.. the dirty laundry, behind the toilet, even the trash… like everywhere
No paper.
Out of desperation, nearly crying with frustration and despair… and with nowhere else to look, I opened the freezer. (I had been in the fridge to get a refreshment or two during my frantic search)
There, on one of the shelves, was my godd*mned paper.
I must have put it there grabbing some ice out of the fridge that morning.
To this very day, I will look in the freezer for things I have misplaced and just can’t seem to find.
I have never found another lost item magically sitting in the freezer in over 30 years… but I still look.
I went on a road trip and lost my laptop, but didn’t know how I’d done it. I remembered carrying it to the car, I never used it at my destination, and yet it wasn’t with me or at home. It was odd – I could picture carrying the laptop, but couldn’t picture it in the car. I filed a lost item report with the police, checked warranties, and even shopped around for a new one. Then one night I stumbled upon a Craigslist lost and found page, and saw my laptop had been found…
It was cracked across the screen and dented in a corner. When I left for the trip, autopilot me evidently (and LITERALLY NEVER do this with any item, ever) placed the laptop on top of the car, got in the car, and drove away, dropping it on the street to be incredibly luckily retrieved before being driven over.
I was reunited with it about two weeks after having lost it.
I work in a coffee shop. Along with your standard coffee, we have an espresso machine for lattes and the like.
I usually have to be at work at 5 AM
That is early for me.
I am not a morning person.
One morning, after making a latte, I was headed to the sink to rinse out the milk pitcher I had just used. Brain-dead me decided not to wait until I got to the sink to dump out the still semi-full milk pitcher. Halfway to the sink I just dumped the still scalding milk out of the pitcher….all over myself. My brain just decided it was time to dump the pitcher. My hand followed suit. Dumped very hot, very sticky steamed milk out all down my front.
In high school, I was home by myself, rehearsing an imaginary conversation with a boy I had a crush on. I poured imaginary him a real glass of orange juice.
I woke up in the middle of the night to take a pee then just autopiloted into my morning routine… It wasn’t until after I drank my coffee that I realized it was only 3 AM and that I wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep.
Early morning, I was about to put mouthwash on my toothbrush but I caught myself and I was like, “Nice try, brain” and put them back. Then, I grabbed the toothpaste and squeezed it on my palm.
I once stumbled to the bathroom in the middle of the night and didn’t turn on the light because I didn’t want to be blind when I went back to the bedroom. I sat down and peed. It was a lot because I had drank a lot of water the evening before. Then I realized that a) the toilet lid was still down and b) I had not taken off my underwear and pajama shorts.
Suddenly I was wide awake. 0/10 would not recommend it.
Just a few hours ago. I have had the flu for almost two weeks and it’s made me feel perma stoned, but not in a good way. Like just the weird forgetfulness without the high.
My mom is also down and out with the flu and with her being almost 70 years old, I decided I needed to help her out, especially after a call that she wanted to go to her doctor, but didn’t think she could drive.
I brought her to the doctor in her car (she doesn’t like riding in my Jeep, say’s it’s like riding in a truck). After a successful doctor’s visit (no pneumonia or anything), I dropped her off at her house and proceeded to Walmart to pick up her prescriptions and groceries so she doesn’t need to leave home for a while.
After getting the scripts and groceries, I get out to the parking lot and being in my own mental fog I didn’t see my Jeep where I thought I parked.
I frantically push the cart full of groceries all over God’s creation trying to find my Jeep. I start thinking about calling the cops that my vehicle was stolen.
After about ten minutes and thankfully not calling the authorities, it hits me like a ton of bricks that I am a flu-stoned dumb*ss and I am driving my Mom’s car. The most humorous part being I carted right by it without it making the connection. F*ck you flu.
I was in a queue to an ATM and just as it was my turn I panicked because I forgot my PIN. It was just gone from my head. Rather than facing the embarrassment of walking away just after winning a queue, I walked to the ATM, put my card in and then started thinking about how horrible it is that I was so burned out from overwork and lack of sleep that I was losing important pieces of memory. I kept thinking those thoughts as I put the money in my wallet, walked away and went to the bank to order a new card. I didn’t realize what had happened until I noticed I had cash a few hours later.
We had a culinary student intern in the kitchen where I worked. She needed ketchup for a recipe, and all she could find was this gallon container in the walk-in, labeled ITS ketchup. She wanted to know how I.T.S. ketchup was different from regular ketchup. I stared at her and said “It’s ketchup, girl! It’s ketchup!” She’s blank for a minute before it dawns on her. “Oh sh*t! It’s ketchup!”
I’m laughing with my chef about it and he says, “Watch this.” He stomps into the prep area of the kitchen and says, “Who used up all my f*cking I.T.S. ketchup?!” The girl turned white as a sheet.
I once lost my iPod in the fridge for about two weeks. And it was at a time I needed it most. A hurricane came through and we didn’t have power the whole time, except for our generator to keep the fridge running. I found it after those two weeks in a double-bagged bag of grapes. I’d put it in the bag because I had no pockets and my hands were full of grocery bags. Forgot about it and then it sat there.
Put it in some rice for a few days to make sure any condensation was removed and it still works to this day.
One time when I was a kid, I had just gotten in from playing in the snow outside. My socks had gotten kind of wet. So, while on autopilot, for some reason I decided to put my socks in the drawer in the refrigerator. A friend and I wanted to go back outside a few hours later, and they were warm fuzzy socks so I wanted to put them back on and couldn’t for the life of me find them.
Later, went to the fridge to make a sandwich. Found socks. Hysterically laughed, Mom made fun of me. Good stuff.
I was folding my freshly laundered bed linens while simultaneously putting them around the house. I don’t know what to tell you but somehow, I was folding a pillowcase, then the next moment, I couldn’t find it anywhere. And I looked everywhere in my very tiny home!!! It wasn’t in the folded pile, it wasn’t in the closet, and it wasn’t in the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen where I puttered around while folding said laundry… It still haunts me and I’m going to find that effing pillowcase even if it kills me.
I went to the optometrist for a contact lens consultation (these are compulsory “lessons” in which they teach you basic contact lens care and safety; you need to attend these in order to be prescribed lenses, where I live at least).
I hadn’t slept well the night before (insomnia is a b*tch), and so I was feeling a little fuzzy/sleepy, but otherwise ok. Towards the end of the session, I was asking her a few questions about the lenses. She had told me that, for my specific type of lens, I wasn’t allowed to wear them to sleep, because the cornea is one of the only parts of our body that receives oxygen from the outside of our body (fun fact, there!). So, I have to make sure they’re out before sleeping? Ok, got it!
Then, without thinking, in my sleep-deprived state, I asked: ok, so, how do I know if they’re out?
She stared at me for a few seconds, and then responded with, “… Well, can you still see….?
I’m surprised she didn’t take them back then and there, but hey, at least I’ve never forgotten to take them out before bed, thanks to that awkward moment that is now burned in my brain!
Just earlier today I was at Walmart with a couple of friends, we were getting a couple of groceries and just d*cking around hanging out and killing time. At one point we stopped to look at some toys for a few minutes, before continuing onwards while laughing and joking as usual.
About five minutes after leaving the toys, we go around a sharp turn, which is when I notice my buggy was handling me weirdly. I look down and see nothing in my cart but a big bag of fertilizer right at the front.
I did not see our groceries and cat toys.
I’d just absent-mindedly stolen someone else’s cart, and none of us even noticed for several minutes.
Arrived at the office at 9, started working, and realised at about 12 that I was supposed to be home because it was my vacation week. My supervisor didn’t notice it either and just accepted me being there until we both looked at the schedule.
It was a school event. All of the students were eating donuts and playing games in the game room. Naturally, having no friends to play games with, I migrated toward the donut table and snagged a bad boy while I stood there like a loner and people-watched.
Then a group of cool girls that I wanted to be friends with passed me by. They were really pretty and popular, and they ushered me over to join them at the foosball table. So eagerly I went donut in hand.
For the first few rounds, I just stood around the table and watched them play. Then I mustered up the courage from my shy girl soul to participate in a round.
So I start the round by inserting the ball in the hole, and I’m turning the handles with my left hand while eating my donut in my right. And everything is going impressively well! I’m scoring some goals and I’m only playing with one hand! All while I’m eating my donut and talking to these girls. Heck, I’m feeling on top of the social game.
So we keep playing for a while, I’m getting into the swing of things. And now comes my turn to start the next round.
I place my donut down in the middle of the foosball table, and I pop that tiny soccer ball in my mouth. Everyone stared at me in horror as I slowly realize my grave mistake.
And just like that, I tore down my cool social girl status just as quickly as I built it up.
Needless to say, I took the ball out of my mouth, swapped it with the donut, and left that school event faster than the actual speed of light. I didn’t end up being friends with those girls.
I was taking out my contacts before going to bed. I took out the first one and placed it in the overnight container. I tried to take out the second contact and it just wouldn’t come out. I spent about 5 minutes trying to get the other contact out, all the while pulling harder and harder. I decide to just give it one last good, hard pull. Right before doing so, I realized that the contact I needed to remove was in the other eye.
I had just woken up and grabbed my phone. However, the “phone” that I had just grabbed was a plastic comb. I tried pressing the power button and nothing was happening. So, I reach over to a glass of water on my bedside table and start lightly moving the glass, thinking that the sun rays beaming from outside my window would reflect through the water right onto my plastic comb of a phone and turn it on. The worst part is, I thought I was being smart with the whole water reflection idea.
I dunno if other people do it, but sometimes when I drop things, I’ll reflexively stick my leg out to try and soften the blow, so it doesn’t break. Usually with my phone, and it’ll land on my shoe, end up a bit scuffed, but A-OK.
Well, I was cooking one day at University, and I’d left my Chinese Cleaver on the side after chopping some veg, because I knew I’d need it again, and I managed to knock it off the counter.
Not really paying attention, I stuck my leg out to catch it. This was a stupidly sharp cleaver, so much so that I once brushed my thumb on it whilst reaching for another knife and sliced it open.
Well, my friend sees me do this and literally screamed. I’m not talking like, just yelling, he yelped, because he was pretty sure he was about to see me embed a cleaver in my ankle.
I ended up being quite lucky, however, and it hit the tongue of my shoe, sheared a bit of that off, and then deflected onto the floor.
This all took place in a matter of seconds, so I realise what I’d done, turned to my screaming roommate and shout “WHY THE F*CK DID I DO THAT?”
Needless to say, he had no answer. I picked it off the floor, washed it, and grabbed another knife to finish chopping stuff up. And from that day forward, I was extremely careful not to leave it where it could fall!
I have a dog with fluffy white hair. Think poodle-ish. I was on the couch petting and talking to my dog for a good while when I see my wife come down the stairs. Trailing behind her was my dog. I had been petting a Costco fuzzy white blanket the whole time. I wish I could say it only happened once.
I was riding a passenger in my car with my wife driving. I was sort of brain dead after work while we were carpooling and we came to a stoplight. It turned green but the car in front of us wasn’t moving for a few seconds. I was trying to call the car a ‘motherf*cker’ and then tell my wife to honk, but ended up saying “HONK MOTHERF*CKER!”
Let me tell you, the look my wife had on her face before she realized I was being retarded was something unique. So now it has become a joke between us cause she started laughing her a** off once I realized what I had done moments later and I went “WAIT NO, THAT ISN’T WHAT I MEANT!”
I had an epileptic dog who was given phenobarbital, a barbiturate, to control the seizures. For about 5 years, I had been opening up his pill bottle, getting out the pills, wrapping them in cheese and feeding them to him twice a day.
And then I got sick and had to take my own pills. So, I popped open his bottle of phenobarbital, took 2 of them out, popped them in my mouth and swallowed them down with a big swig of water.
And then, oh sh*t! What did I just do?
I called poison control and described to the nice man what I took and he said “Sir, you are going to sleep all day today.” I said, “I have to work! I can’t sleep all day.” He said, “Sir, you will be asleep soon.”
My job is about 45 minutes west of where I live. My brother called me during the week and told me that he and my other brother were planning a surprise birthday party for our mom. They live about an hour and a half east of where I live.
I bet you can see where this is going.
After a dull rest of the week, I slightly look forward to my mom’s birthday party. But on the day that it happened, I was just in autopilot mode, didn’t really think about what I was doing, just knew I had somewhere to be. So I got dressed for work, drove 45 minutes west without really thinking about it, arrived at my workplace and was very confused when I couldn’t get in the building, and then immediately realized my mistake. I called my brothers and they were laughing hysterically.
I made it to my mother’s birthday party but wasn’t there to surprise her. She found my situation amusing as well.
When my son was a baby he was an absolutely awful sleeper. I was exhausted. One night I get woken up by the sound of him crying through the baby monitor. So I get up and go into him and am holding him to my chest rocking from side to side and shushing him gently. I became aware that I could still hear him crying but from further away, it took me a minute to realise that I hadn’t actually gone into him but had picked up the monitor and was holding and rocking that.
Not sure if it counts as autopilot really but I felt pretty stupid.
I was working as a summer counselor at a college, helping incoming freshmen pick classes and stuff like that. The job was exhausting, but I loved it, so I poured my all into it, making arts and crafts in my off time to make the experience more fun for the kids, writing skits, building sets and costumes, that sort of thing. The result was that I barely slept (3-4 hours per night, for 3 months on end).
One night, around 3 am, just as I was going to bed, I realized that I’d forgotten to tell my kids that tomorrow’s meeting was in my office, and not at the outside benches where we’d met the day before. Oops! So I sat down to write a note for each of my students. Here’s what I wrote:
Hi (Student Name),
Just letting you know that we’re all meeting in my office
tomorrow at 9 am instead of at the benches.
Thanks,
Kahzgul
Simple, right? I sat down to write out 12 notes and I was dozing off as I did so. Finally got them all done around 4 am and delivered them under each student’s dorm room door. Slept for 3 hours!
The next morning at 9 am sharp, the students started filing into my office. As they sat in the chairs, one asked, “Mr. Kahzgul, why didn’t I get a funny note like everyone else?”
Um… what? I didn’t write any funny notes. I wrote. Oh, God. I had been dozing off… WHAT DID I WRITE???
And here, dear reader is what the notes said:
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that I see bicycles bicycling.
–Kahzgul
———————————————
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we’re all crazy everywhere.
You can eat here, enjoy the food.
Thanks,
Kahzguuuuuul
———————————————
Dear Student (I actually wrote “student” instead of their name),
Student student student. Student.
–Kahzgul
———————————————
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that office buildings explode.
Love,
Kahzgul
———————————————
Dear (student),
I don’t know why I’m writing this. I see it. Maybe.
———————————————
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we’re all meeting people all the time
everywhere we go.
Thanks,
Kahzgul (and then I drew a heart with an arrow through it)
———————————————
Dear (student),
Just letting you know that we’re all meeting in my room
tomorrow morning at 9 am. SHARP! sharp. *sharp*.
**SHARPPPPP**.
–**KAHZGUL** (sharp)
———————————————
The other notes were all the intended message. Needless to say, I was freaked the heck out. Thank GOD my students thought this sh*t was hilarious, because I do not, to this day, remember writing any of those (but they were definitely in my handwriting).
I had just woken up and I was still on sleep-auto brain. I wear earplugs when I sleep but I often tug them out during the night. One was on my chest and I sleepily grabbed it.
My traitor of a brain was like “It’s a mini marshmallow: eat it”
So I popped it into my mouth and started to chew.
Luckily I realized what I was doing in time, but I also learned it would be very easy to poison me.
Once I was leaving my apt and decided to bring the garbage out with me. I had to walk to the pharmacy, which was about three city blocks away. When I got to the pharmacy, I walked up to the counter and plunged the nasty, dripping bag of garbage right into the counter. I guess I forgot to throw it into the dumpster on the way out and carried it all the way there.
There was an awkward ‘wtf’ moment between myself and the pharmacist, and I just kind of turned around and walked out. Couldn’t bring myself to go back in, felt too stupid. Especially when I realized that garbage water had been dripping on my leg the whole time.
33 weeks pregnant, at work ALL day, and super hungry when I got off work. Stopped by the store to pick up some things, water broke in the middle of the aisle so I called my husband to tell him to meet me at the hospital, but then I kept f*cking shopping until I had my very wanted food. Got in my car (labor had started slightly by now), drove home and made my food. My husband called an hour later… suddenly remembered my water had broken at the store, drove myself to the hospital and had our first son. Food was my mission, the baby on the way was not getting in the way of those tacos apparently.
I was working the register (not a conveyer belt register—just one that you walk up to) at a pretty big-named grocery store and a woman approached my register with a full cart. I noticed she was wearing a sweatshirt from my hometown/college so we immediately kicked off a conversation about that because she graduated a year after me. After 5 minutes of bagging her groceries and shooting the breeze, I put her bags in her cart and she went on her merry way. I was confused when no receipt was printed.
My dog woke me up two hours early. I ran on autopilot fed him and went to work arriving two hours early. I did not realize any of this until I went to swipe my badge to get into the building. I had left it at home and couldn’t enter the building. I went to call my boss to let me into the building and finally noticed the time on my phone. It was 4:00 AM. Normally this wouldn’t even have been too terrible. The wifi for the building extends outside a bit, I could watch anime on my phone or actually do some work on my laptop. I had some motivation that morning and decided to work. My heart sank when I reached into my pack. No laptop. Both my badge and laptop were sitting on my desk at home. Defeated I made the round trip to get my badge and laptop, arriving only 45min early.
A client emailed to set up a same-day meeting to fix a pressing issue that they were panicking about. They needed to meet at the owner’s house instead of their office (not uncommon) so I drove over, rang the doorbell and see that the owner is happy but surprised to see me and this ensues:
Owner: hey there, everything ok?
Me: well I’m not sure until I take a look
Owner: take a look at what?
Me: the balance sheet and maybe some bank statements.
Owner: ok?
Me: I just need a few minutes on your computer and we can get everything straightened out.
Owner: ok? Come on in?
Me: starts working on their computer hmm, I don’t really see the problems.
Owner: looking around the room confused what problems?
Me: the ones you emailed me about this morning?
Owner: I didn’t email you this morning?
Me: yeah, about the balance sheet issues the CPA needed to correct and classify the down payment on your new truck?
Owner:borderline terrified look I have no clue what you are talking about? We didn’t buy a truck?
Me: takes out my phone and tries to pull up email to show the owner only to realize I’m at the wrong client ahh you’re right. You didn’t buy a truck or have any problems and I’m totally in the wrong place and I’m really sorry and I need to go cause I’m 20 minutes late for a meeting with another client.
I dropped my pants when going through TSA…For those who fly in the super early morning, it can be rough. I purposely didn’t drink coffee so I could sleep on the plane…
I was in the security line and did the normal routine of taking stuff out of my pockets and putting them in my laptop bag. Then off with the shoes, placed on top of my luggage, then off comes the belt as usual. Then of course when you take off your belt you take off your pants…..uhhh Nope d*mnit. Put them back on and what the f*ck up for a moment as I finished up in security. Luckily not that many people fly at like 430am.
As a teenager, I worked at McDonald’s. My McDonald’s was 24 hours and, during the summer, I worked the overnight shift. My sleep schedule would get all messed up.
My parents woke me up for dinner one evening. I zombie-walked to the table and sat down. My dad asked me to say grace. I bow my head and say, “Thank you for choosing McDonald’s, may I take your order?”
I lived across the street from a gas station and didn’t drive very often. Once I was filling it up, went inside to buy something, forgot I was getting gas, and walked home.
A few days later I reported my car stolen since I couldn’t find it in the apartment garage. About a month later I get a call from the police, saying my car had gone up for auction and only then was it discovered it had been reported stolen. I had to pay about $1500 in impound fees to get it back.
Definitely one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.
It was 2 am and way past bedtime, and I’d pulled an all-nighter the previous night too. while finally clearing the table I was playing video games on, I decided to put all the water bottles away that had been out for days and days. I tossed the empty ones but my cat was being rambunctious and trying to open the trash can, so I picked her up.
I was holding my cat and putting some unfinished water bottles back in the fridge. she struggled free and hopped onto the counter but I was too tired to scold her so I continued grabbing huge amounts (6 or 7 at a time, both hands) of half-full water bottles from the counter and into the fridge
I pick them up, I put them in the fridge, I pick them up, I put them in the fridge, I pick her up. I put her in the fridge. I close the fridge. I take two minutes to finish up the dishes. I turn off the kitchen light. I hear faint mewing. I wake up. I open the fridge. she is so cold, but she is okay.
Now every time I open the f*cking fridge she climbs in. Sometimes I don’t notice her and she’s trapped for a moment until I hear mewing. and I know it’s all my fault.
I used to work in telephone triage (the nurses you call at all hours of the night for advice), and would sometimes have to call the on-call doctor for additional help or to call in a prescription.
And on nights when I wasn’t working, I would call my mom at night and our conversations would end with “Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!”
You see where this is going…
One night around 1 am, I called the on-call doc to ask a question and she ended the conversation with “Good night”.
So my sleep-deprived autopilot brain immediately responded with “Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!”
The best part? Her equally sleep-deprived brain responded with “Ok, love you too!” before hanging up.
She called back about 2 minutes later and we had a good long laugh about it.
Had a microwave burger, that goes in for 3 minutes. I put it on for 30 minutes and proceeded to do other stuff, whilst checking to see if the microwave was finished. I remember thinking it was taking a long time, but still, I checked and waited for the ‘three’ minutes to end.
That burger was rock hard and devoid of any moisture. I had a sandwich instead, but it makes me smile to this day for some reason.
I got lost walking to school. Very, very lost. And was not able to backtrack to figure out how I had gotten lost. I eventually found a pay phone (which should help date the event) and called my dad to pick me up. Describing where I was also took longer than I care to admit now.
Me: “Hey Dad, I’m at a grocery store.”
Dad: “Why are you at a grocery store?”
Me: “I got lost on the way to school. Could you come pick me up when you have a chance? I’m not really sure where I am.”
Dad: “What grocery store are you at?”
Me: “Kroger.”
Dad: “There isn’t a Kroger anywhere near your school. Which Kroger are you at?”
Me: “I don’t know. How would I find out?”
Dad: “What road were you walking on?”
Me: “I don’t know, I got lost.”
Dad: “XmagusX, please ask one of the employees where you are.”
This continued for another few minutes before I was able to communicate to my father where I was, which ended up being several miles away from my school.
This was in high school.
This was a route I had walked many, many times previously.
I just started thinking about something or another and started walking on autopilot for evidently quite some time before it dawned on me that I no longer recognized any of my surroundings.
