People Reveal the Most Shocking Gossip of Their Lives!

Julie Suliguin - February 6, 2023
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When information about people’s private lives is casually disseminated through conversation or the media, it is referred to as “Juicy Gossip.” Details about relationships, love affairs, scandals, or other aspects of people’s private lives that people might find fascinating or surprising could be included in this. What’s some juicy gossip you just found out in your personal lives? This Reddit post may be of interest to you. Participants are asked to share their personal juicy stories that they have recently learned, either about themselves or others. To learn more and quench your curiosity, keep reading!

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1. She Has Changed

My soon-to-be ex-wife and I separated in August 2018.

She decided to end the marriage because she concluded that I would never trust her after she had an affair for more than half of our 15-year marriage. We tried to reconcile for 2 years, during which time she repeatedly told me that she had changed and that she’d never lie to me again. But, I kept catching her in lie after lie.

Now, she is seriously dating a guy, since at least December. And she’s cheating on him with another guy.

Remember folks, she has changed.

reddituser

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2. He is Now a Family

Not just found out, but back in December my Mom pulled me into her room to admit that she had a son she gave up for adoption. She was a teenage runaway and didn’t have the means to care for a child (his father had walked out on her.)

He had found her through AncestryDNA. He was thrilled he had a little sister (me) and brother. I have a nephew and a niece as well as a lovely sister-in-law.

He has become family. He flew my Mom out this weekend so he could see her.

reddituser

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3. Her Tendency to Exploit

I have a coworker I’ll call Jess, who always talks about her kids in detail and asks for favors because of her kids; ie picking up shifts, asking for rides, etc…

One of our other coworker’s son goes to the same bar as said girl (she doesn’t know who he is) and one night was spilling her guts about how she always takes advantage of her coworkers and that she doesn’t even have kids.

She doesn’t know that we know

reddituser

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4. He Hung Up

At work, we found out that my boss is sleeping with our shipping secretary. We found out because we needed some numbers last night that we were only on his laptop in his office, which was locked. So we called at around 10:30 and asked if he remembered the numbers, he said no and off the phone said “hey (secretary’s name), do you remember those numbers? They need them at work” Then you hear the secretary freak out. I guess he realized what he did because he hung up. Can’t wait to see what the plant manager says about it tomorrow, he wasn’t too thrilled about that call, especially since he’s married with 3 kids and it’s explicitly forbidden in our contracts.

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5. The Chinese Mafia

My uncle told my parents he needed money because he borrowed it from the Chinese mafia and they were threatening to kill him and his family or something. My parents sent him some money and then two weeks later he posted a pic with a new car.

ahyanx

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6. Phone Calls

My barber got two different girls pregnant, neither of whom is his girlfriend. Prices have gone up a little bit but the phone calls I overhear are worth it lol

ASAPTISY

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7. Keys Together

Some girl in our year at school posted on Facebook the other day how her boyfriend had supposedly cheated on her. They had a full-blown argument in the comments just on Facebook for everyone to see. Yesterday she posted a picture of some keys tagging her boyfriend in it saying “just bought our first house together!”

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8. Keep a Secret

My ex and I divorced because he came out to me 18 years into our marriage as bi. He thought if he could just try it once he’d get it out of his system. His exact words. I gave him a hall pass, knowing deep down this was who he was and he wasn’t going to “get it out of his system.” He ended up cheating on me with randos from Craigslist, etc. When we split, we told everyone we grew apart. My adult kids don’t know and I promised never to tell. Our friends don’t know. Just me. He’s now happily in a relationship with another woman but still hangs out quite a bit with a guy I know he’s been involved with. He says for him it’s just physical and he doesn’t ever want a relationship with a man. It’s been a tough secret to keep.

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9. Three Pages

We got a new boss like a year ago at work and we’ve been hating it. people are getting written up for petty sh*t and suspended and losing their bonuses. I’m a good employee, but this stuff finally caught up to me too and I got written up for getting injured at work (long story). I don’t play, so where it said “employee comments” on the write up I said “see attached” and typed out a 3-page defense talking about how I thought it was unfair and how I thought people had been getting treated unfairly for a year now. the next day I got called into a meeting by my boss, and his boss, and his boss and an HR rep so they could grill me about it. by the end of the meeting, we had all figured out that it was actually the HR rep who had been screwing with people for a year now, and the anger shifted completely away from me and onto her. I went around and told everybody about it. we’re going to make this b*tch pay

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10. Fourteen Years

My cousin has been together with his wife for 14 years and has had a girlfriend for just as long! Neither of them knew about the other. He got caught because of an image on Facebook. His wife’s sister posted a family picture which my cousin was in and got recognized by his girlfriend’s sister’s acquaintance.

He got away with that for FOURTEEN YEARS!

IWasA_Mistake_

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11. Younger Brother

A year ago my family member (26) discovered that his fiance (29) of 7 years, who he has 2 children with had been having an affair with his younger brother, who just turned 18. His brother was living in his house rent-free at the time as well. So his fiance left him for his brother and had a fling with him for a couple of months. The younger brother is basically homeless now, jumping from friend to friend to crash at their houses while working at a job where he makes minimum wage at ($7.25), while she is still living under her ex-fiancee’s roof.

She then decided she wanted to work things out with her ex-fiance so they got back together and decided to reconcile the relationship which left the younger brother furious. Shortly after that, she finds out she is pregnant but does not know which brother is the father. Her fiance said he would raise the baby as his own even if it was not his. So she decides to keep the baby.

This makes the younger brother more furious because she aborted the child before this baby that she knew was the younger brother. So the younger brother verbally attacks her for aborting that child and keeping this one because there is a chance it is her fiance’s. She is unemployed during this time, so her fiance is paying for all of the expenses.

9 months later, still unemployed

She has the baby and it ends up being the younger brother’s child and they all try to do co-parenting. The baby is 3 months old now and my family member’s fiance left him for his younger brother again!

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12. The Mother Say

Just found out that my brother, who divorced his ex-wife a year ago, got married to a new woman in secret. I mean secret as in that he hasn’t told his own kids about it (10 and 12 years old).

He hasn’t told us either (the rest of the family). My mother just accidentally said it to all of us. So now we know but are to pretend we don’t know.

None of us has met his new wife whom we don’t know is his wife but still know is his wife.

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13. Both of Them

My two friends just found out they have the same sugar daddy. They had both been under the impression that they were exclusive with him.

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14. They Had Known

Apparently, for years my parents have told my teachers I have a learning disability. I didn’t know I had a learning disability. I don’t think I have a learning disability. I asked them why and they said it takes about $1500 off the cost of my university tuition from some government grant so I guess I have a learning disability.

I asked my parents more questions about this and I apparently got tested when I was young and have a legitimate learning disability diagnosis. My parent’s aren’t committing fraud, they knew all along that I was diagnosed and I just recently found out about it.

nwvrie

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15. Some People Are Crazy

Found out one of my “closest friends” was paying someone to do some kind of witchcraft/voodoo thing on me because she doesn’t want me to do well or succeed. There are some crazy f*cking people out there like what the.

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16. Total Chaos

Our pastor was having an affair with his cousin’s wife. One day while giving a sermon the cousin storms into the church, tackles the pastor and starts to throw haymakers at him. The cousin’s wife is trying to pull her husband off the pastor. The pastor’s wife quickly figured out what was happening, ran up and clocked the wife from behind knocking her out. People are trying to separate everyone. Total chaos.

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17. Out of His Mind

I just found out the other day that my neighbor whom I never talk with is a huge meth dealer. I found him slopped over a chair outside of his apartment meth’ed out of his mind, so I went over and helped him into his place. Gave him some water, and some ibuprofen, and talked to him for a bit.

He’s about two days clean now, and I check on him periodically.

He’s a really nice guy.

reddituser

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18. Majority of Her Life

One November day, my mom took my sister and I out so we could help her pick out gifts for our kids. I asked why a cousin of ours who adored children never had any of her own. This led my mom into a deep trail of juicy family stories. The most unexpected was about my grandma. Apparently, a married man had pursued her, and they started a short affair that left her pregnant. She was the teenage daughter of devout Catholic, immigrant parents, and they essentially hid her in the basement for the entire nine months and forced her to give away the baby. They also threatened the dad with the mob to get him to stay quiet and pay for medical care.

My grandma lived most of her life depressed over what came of that child. My mom took an ancestry DNA test about a year ago and found the woman. She had been adopted by loving parents who have since died. She’s started coming to our family events, and my grandparents are more than pleased to have her in their lives. My grandpa has called her his daughter on multiple occasions.

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19. Mrs Bob Had Fallen In Love

I’m a teacher, and apparently, I don’t pay attention to sh*t.

Last year, my vice principal announced that he would be leaving at the end of the year. Let’s call him Mr Bob. I was shocked, as I liked and respected him a lot. It was well known that he was pretty unhappy, and it had been a tough year. I was confused though because nobody else seemed shocked or upset. At the end of the year, I thought it would be nice to have everyone sign a card for him, but when I took it around people started giving me these weird looks.

Fast forward to halfway through this year. One of our teachers showed up with a change of her last name. It was now Mrs Bob. I congratulated her and said I didn’t even know she was seeing anyone – to which she laughed and said “you’re so bad”. I was confused and shook it off.

Long story short, I just recently found out that she and Mr Bob had fallen in love or something and he left his wife for her. He literally divorced his wife on a Thursday and was married by Friday. I had no idea until she mentioned his first name and that they were moving out of the state.

Looking back on it, I facepalmed so much. His wife at the time also worked for the district and at one point I ran into her and expressed how much I would miss working with Mr Bob. She gave me a weird look and said, “Yeah, well apparently he’s been pretty miserable”. To which my dumb *ss responded, “Well let’s hope he finds what he’s looking for.” I assumed it was all about his job satisfaction.

I’m such an *sshole.

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20. What Will Happen Next

My office manager has a huge giant massive HR case being built against her because she’s been pulling royally shady sh*t.

Last year, some of us had been having issues with system access at my job, thankfully not me. It’s a known issue and it’s been getting fixed here and there, but then it rears its head again.

Anyway, about five or six months ago, a friend of mine in another department started losing access. My office manager (who is my boss’ boss, she runs the whole friggin’ meghilla.) tells this person to go home for the day since you don’t have system access and specifically told her that it wouldn’t be held against her.

So, what the heck, it’s not like she can do her job anyway right? She goes home. This happens about 8 more times when she comes to work and her systems don’t work and she is told to go home.

Now, fast forward to about two weeks before the year ended. The girl whose been being sent home gets called over by her manager and told that she has to sign a final written warning. When asked why she is told it’s because she has used all her FMLA AND sick leave. She said that is not possible and asked for proof before signing the document. Her manager pulls up all the times and days it was used and, lo and behold, it was every single time she was told to go home because of system access.

This is, of course, illegal as sh*t. My coworker did not choose to go home, she did not choose to use her FMLA and Sick leave. My office manager DID THAT FOR HER.

So just about three weeks ago, my coworker gets called into our office manager’s office and is told that she needs to give up her medical records.

Also illegal as f*ck.

She declined and told her she will not do that and is still not signing the final written warning.

She then proceeded to call HR with all of this who then tells her, “It’s funny you should bring this to our attention because you’re not the only one who’s called us about things like this happening with her. We’re building a case against her as we speak.”

Sh*ts about to go down and I’m f*ckin here for it. I hate my job, and I’ve actively been looking for a new one, but part of me wants to stick around to see if they tote her off to jail or the mass sh*tshow that will happen when she’s fired.

FiveVidiots

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21. Karma Baby

When an ex and I broke up a little over 4 years ago, it was bad. We were both getting clean and on methadone. The things that were said….

In November of ’17, my ex asked a mutual friend if he and his girlfriend could come to stay with me since they were homeless. I’m an idiot, I can’t say no. I was homeless for 10 or so years, so I know how bad it can be.

When I kicked them out, they had stolen so much from me. I didn’t have a lot, to begin with. The b*tch even stole a bunch of my underwear.

I literally just found out about an hour ago that she is in jail for possession. Got caught with 40 Oz of liquid heroin.

Karma baby, karma.

reddituser

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22. Marrying Other People

My fiance works closely together with two colleagues: one is my best friend (let’s call her Beth) and the other is his best friend (let’s call him John). We like to hang out with Beth, John and their significant others.

Beth is getting married to this really good guy, Jerry, this year. He is nice and sweet, although his jokes never really land, and to be fair: I find him kind of boring. Jerry and I never seem to be able to keep a conversation going for longer than five minutes. But no biggie, I’m not the one getting married to him.

This is where John comes in. You see, when Beth started at this workplace years ago, she was single and instantly smitten with John. She found him nice, funny and handsome. Only John was in a long-term relationship, so nothing came of that, except friendship. (John, Beth and my fiance are something like the Three Musketeers at their workplace.) Along came Jerry into Beth’s personal life, and he and Beth started dating.

Meanwhile, Beth and John stayed very good friends and colleagues. Then, two years ago, Johns’s long-term girlfriend cheated on him. He ended the relationship. In the meantime, Beth and Jerry had started living together, but things weren’t running so smoothly: Jerry is away for work A LOT, and due to a combination of circumstances, he was away for almost eight months.

During this time, Beth and John became even closer than they already were. They went out for beers with colleagues, but they would be the only two hanging around until the end of the night. She has this special tone in her voice when she talks to John. A lot of people started making little jokes about them being a couple.

One night, there was this work party. John put his new status as a single man to good use, flirting away with a lot of female colleagues. Beth, though, kept hanging around him. At one point my fiance pulled her aside and asked her if she noticed that she was c*ckblocking John big time. ‘Either you man up and just kiss him like you want to,’ he told her, ‘or you back off and leave him to it with Shelley from accounting.’

Beth backed off for a bit, but later that night, she had to go to the bus and John offered to walk her there. And when they were there, waiting for the bus – talking, laughing, goofing – they looked at each other and there was this… spark. They ALMOST kissed, but at the last moment Beth pulled away because, of course, she was together with Jerry and didn’t want to do that to him. Plus, John is her friend and her colleague, so kissing him would probably just complicate things instead of improving them.

So they both just kind of… acted like that never happened. Beth told only me and my fiance about this weirdness between her and John.

Quite soon after this, John got into a new relationship. This girl, Natalie, is a sweetheart, only she is quite possibly the polar opposite of Beth.

Soon after John and Natalie started dating, Jerry proposed to Beth. And she said yes. We were all very surprised, not only because he asked her to marry him so soon after this rough patch they just went through, but also because they were together for only two years at this point, and Beth was only 25, which is quite young/soon in our country.

It seemed as if, as soon as John heard the news, he also wanted to do something drastic. After just four months of dating, Natalie moved in with him. She instantly started replacing all of his stuff with things that were more to her taste, up until the point where it feels like I’ve set foot on someone’s Pinterest board when I visit.

John and Natalie don’t really seem happy. Beth and Jerry have been planning their wedding for the past two years, but Beth tells me that sometimes, she is doubtful of what could have been between her and John. Of course, soon after admitting that to me, she rushes to add that it would never work between them because she is super motivated and he is still doing the same job he started in and even started working fewer hours because he makes enough money to live comfortably.

Natalie has been dropping hints about getting married, buying a house and having kids from the moment she moved in with John, and this September they’re going on a big road trip. He is going to propose. We all know, even though he didn’t outright tell us. If he chooses this path, this time next year he will have an expensive Pinterest wedding coming up, plus probably a mortgage and a baby.

Meanwhile, Beth and John keep doing fun stuff together – having drinks, and working out. Natalie has started to give Beth some snark because of it. But when I talked to Natalie about our friend group, she only said super nice things about Beth, almost desperately so.

I know Beth has her doubts. I know John has his doubts. But it seems like they go through with their respective Big Life Altering Plans as some weird game of Chicken.

My fiance and I just feel like there will be a moment in the future when the feelings they bottled up all come bursting out, and by that time there will probably be kids and other high stakes involved.

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23. Life is Weird

In early 2018 my ex-girlfriend ghosted me. I did my best to move on but she texts me a few months later telling me she was pregnant with my kid. I was super skeptical and eventually got a prenatal paternity test that said I was the father. Fast forward to like 2 months into this newborn child’s life and I’m having major doubts he is actually mine. A month ago I got another paternity test and found out I’m not actually the father and the other paternity test was through a fraudulent DNA testing company. I thought I was Dad for like an entire year. Life is weird.

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24. Secretly Moving

My best friend’s fiance had been leaving the apartment every night at the exact same time and would come back very early in the morning.

She suspected that her fiance had cold feet, but it turns out he was secretly moving his things into a new house to surprise her when they get married!

reddituser

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25. The Scary Part

Just found out recently from my mom that my brother’s wife is an anti-vaxxer. They have a child together and she’s already stated that she does not want him to be vaccinated. He’s obviously not in that same camp.

The scary part is that she is not a dumb woman by any means. It’s nuts how easily some people can latch onto an idea and believe it with mountains of scientific evidence proving it’s false.

Skanky

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26. Renewal Ceremony

My stepmom of 20 years recently found out my father has been having an affair with my birth mother for the last 3 years. The whole family is planning to fly out to Hawaii in October for my stepmom and father’s vow renewal ceremony for their anniversary. I already have my dress and agreed to walk my stepmom down the aisle. F*cking awkward.

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27. Her First Love

My mom has been married and divorced twice so far. At my wedding she told me, while quite drunk, “The reason I’m not dating any more men is because your dad is my true love”. My dad was her first husband. It’s something I never expected to hear and it just pulled on my heartstrings.

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28. It Went Unnoticed

My grandmother now has severe dementia and no longer knows who she is. “Husband” #3 decided to cut and run. He tried to sell the house that they bought together a few years ago, moved her into a nursing home and promptly moved away. But when he tried to sell the house, they couldn’t move forward because she was a ward of the state. So my aunt and uncle decided to become her Power of Attorney so that in the sale of the house my grandma would get a fair shake (enough money to cover her remaining years in the nursing home and to move her closer to the rest of her family). With many, many other bumps in the road, they eventually sold the house.

But now as they are trying to relocate her to another state and are trying to get her set up with medicare/caid, they ran into a snag: She has been using someone else’s social security number since at least 2000. She used someone else’s SSN to buy a condo, sell a condo, buy a house, and SELL ANOTHER HOUSE. And since she’s been collecting SSA as a beneficiary of her late husband, and not her own…. no one caught it.

We have no idea how the banks didn’t catch it, or how the person who’s identity has been stolen for 20 years has not noticed. And now she may not be able to receive Medicaid/care going forward because of this.

While it has been wildly frustrating for our family, she has stolen money from every single one of us. It seems unjust that her chickens came home to roost after she was no longer coherent.

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29. Still Married

My father (who’s been remarried once) and my mother (who’s been remarried twice) are technically still married in the country we are all originally from.

My mom and I both live in the United States where their divorce and subsequent marriages occurred, but I just found out they never got an annulment in our home country which is the ONLY way to get out of marriage.

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30. Everything Clicked

I’ve been working in a small office for almost 2 years now. Back when I passed my interview, my boss had told the founder to watch out because I like to “dab” at the office a lot.

He took that to mean I dab marijuana on the daily. I guess he didn’t have too much of a problem with it because I still worked there, but he made a reference to it once when I was late for work and it took me so much by surprise. It was like “Gee naveregnide maybe if you didn’t have one of those wild drug parties you’d be on time!” And I was like… Whoah… what?? I… never?

A year later he comes home to his kid dabbing and saying “look dad! I’m dabbing on you” and everything clicked.

I only just found out last week from someone else that for my first entire year at work my boss thought I was taking drugs on my lunch breaks.

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31. He’s Been Around

My aunt married a guy (my uncle?) a few years ago and afterwards, they began living in his childhood home with his dad.

Well, apparently my uncle’s dad isn’t really his biological dad, and my uncle doesn’t know about it. I guess he’s been around since before my uncle was born and helped raise him. But my uncle still doesn’t know the truth because he doesn’t want to tell him. He said he wants to take that sh*t with him to his grave.

How do I know? Well, the guy just told my aunt one random day, I guess he needed to tell someone he felt he could trust. And then my aunt told me lol. She told me not to tell anyone. I kept my promise for a bit.

But now I just told you guys.

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32. Miss Honey

I got called into the principal’s office this week (am a teacher) and was told one of my female students was pulling pictures of staff off the internet and posting them on a public Insta account with comments and quotes for the school to see. Pictures of me were apparently a mix of compliments and sexual commentary on my appearance. Which I found hilarious because I dress like Miss Honey from “Matilda.”

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33. Dodged a Bullet

I broke up with my ex over 3+ years ago because of infidelity issues. Have not so much as gone on a date since because of how much it broke me. I can’t even fathom loving somebody as much as her so I don’t even try.

2 days ago I heard through a friend that she had a baby with the dude she was ultimately cheating on me with. Baby came out darker than expected. The kicker. She has no idea who the father is because she evidently had a couple one night flings she brought back to her place when her dude was on work trips. She evidently met a dude at a bar, only knew his first name and never got a phone number. Her SO left her the day she got home from the hospital. And now she’s moving back in with her conservative parents. I dodged a bullet and that poor baby caught it for me.

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34. A Little Piece

Both of my aunts hate each other down to the core. They fight, argue, and think they are still from each other all of the time. Aunt S goes to rehab to kick her precious drug addictions and Aunt P takes care of my grandma but complains about it every step of the way. Acts like the house is hers and likes to control everything. My grandma’s house has both my aunts and two of my uncles there all doing their part for my grandma but primarily AP takes care of her.

AS was dating some “ex” junky who she fell for hard and the rest of the family hated. One morning, AS’s car gets stolen and immediately everyone thinks it’s the junky boyfriend. AP says that he didn’t do it which was strange coming from her considering she hated him the most.

A few weeks later, AS called up my mom to tell her that she went downstairs to get a bible to read and grabs AP’s bible. A little piece of paper flies out of it, doesn’t think anything of it, doesn’t look at it, puts it back, and reads the bible. This happens for 3 days straight until finally, she decides to unfold the paper. That paper that kept flying out was a drawn map of the street they live with drawings of everyone’s car and had a circle around AS’s car. There’s also a random time written down.

I know this is only going to get worse.

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35. It’s One Thing

I have this long-lost uncle who stopped contacting the family at all in the early 80s suddenly. When my grandma died we found a relative of his ex-wife using the internet and called to tell them and they said they had no contact with his ex-wife or him at all. So we never really pursued trying to find him since he clearly didn’t want to be found, and he has a common first and last name.

Anyway, we recently found out he died and I found his obituary online on one of those legacy funeral home pages. In his obituary it was odd that both of his parents were mentioned by name (he hated them), but not his only son. And then I saw his son commented a few months after that this is how he found out this father died via a Google search of his name and how pissed he was at my uncle’s wife. It’s like, daaaaaamn, it’s one thing to do this to your other family but your only child? Leave him out of it and then (we think) tell your wife not to tell him??

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36. They Are Both Lying

My sister eloped. Which wouldn’t normally be a big deal, I suppose. She told the family a little while after. She said she didn’t invite anyone because they decided to drive to a different state to have a friend marry them. (Why? No idea.) I found out that they actually got married in our home state. Where our mom lives. They chose not to invite her but instead, invited my step-mom. So my sister AND step-mom are both lying to my mom about where she got married. My mom would be so devastated if she found out.

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37. How it Came About

This is an easy one: I work at a school. At the beginning of the school year, the principal apologized for being a little distant and less cheerful than usual at the end of last year. He went on to tell us that he’d been going through a separation, and is now divorced from his wife.

One of my coworker’s friends is neighbors with the principal and told my coworker the divorce was the result of the principal having an affair with a man!

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38. Claiming To Be Sick

My mother-in-law used to preach body positivity to her three daughters when they were little. She was so proud of raising them as a “single mother” and claimed their father helped very little when he had the kids.

She saved up the child support that he had been sending each month without telling anyone what for. She was struggling financially and never really handled money well — the daughters ate food that lacked nutrition and probably not as much as they should have been eating. The money, inexplicably, was not being used for feeding the girls or other reasonable expenses.

One day, my MIL apparently comes home and holes up in her bedroom for a few days, claiming to be sick. She finally emerges for the daughters to find she had gotten a boob job done. It later came out that she used the child support funds to finance the operation.

Recently found this out. My respect for her has greatly diminished.

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39. It’s No Wonder

Recently I found out how my grandma’s first two marriages went awry.

The first man she was married to (my grandpa) was an alcoholic and left her and my mother when my grandma found out all that all the “late nights at work” he was really drinking. He stopped talking to my mom when she was a teenager. She later called him to invite him to her wedding when she was 22 and he refused to come. They haven’t spoken since.

The second man my grandma was married to she swore was the most intense love she has ever felt. The fairytale came to an abrupt halt when he came home one day (they now had a second child who was 4 at the time) and announced he was leaving her for his 18-year-old former student. Ever since this student was 14 she would call the house or come by “for tutoring”. They were married within a year of his leaving my grandma.

I just found this out about my family after 21 years! It’s no wonder they waited to tell me!

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40. Cotton Eye Joe

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn’t know Joseph THAT well, don’t even remember where he was from, but let’s just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend

Apparently, they’d bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together, leaving me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn’t been for cotton eye Joe, I’d have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

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