Imagine you’re sipping on your coffee or waiting for a bus, and out of the blue, some stranger hits you with a line so bizarre it’s like a scene from a comedy show. “Stranger Sagas” is all about those moments – the times when everyday folks decide to ditch the usual small talk and dive headfirst into the world of the peculiar. So, the next time some stranger says something totally out there, remember that you’re not alone. After all, who needs boring when you can have strangers to brighten your day?
I’m a server and as I dropped off the check to one of my tables I said “Have a great rest of your day” like I always do and the guy looks at me dead in the eye and says “You don’t give a sh*t about me” then leave me a 40% tip. Such a weird moment.
I was waiting for the bus at midnight one night, I had my hood up cuz it was chilly and I was on my phone. Out of the corner of my eye, I see this guy walking towards me.
He beelines straight for me, and says “My girlfriend is gone.” I said, “That’s sad.” Then he asks me to touch his shoulder and I ask why, and he says “for strength.” So I touch his shoulder and he continues on. Bus stops are strange places.
I was eating lunch at Chipotle and a daughter and her mother sat at the table next to me. Well, the mother went to get the drinks and I continued to eat my food and was busy doing some things on my phone. When I finished, the daughter was getting a refill and the mother said “Do you not find my daughter pretty?”. Me, not knowing what to say besides “What?”, was just staring at her, because I was caught off guard. Then she said, “You didn’t even look at my daughter once”. So I just walked away without another word.
I was working at a perfume store when a man started asking me why I wasn’t in law school (because I have no interest in law whatsoever). He sprayed a perfume tester on me so he could “smell what it would be like on a woman”, then asked what skills were even necessary to do my job and if I thought I was smart enough to go to law school. Then he went on about how disappointed my father must be in me. Oh, and before he left he gave me his card and wrote some random guy’s number on it who I was supposed to call to make something of myself.
Last year a man came up to me in Target and said “I know this sounds weird, but you’ve been in my dreams since I was 10 years old, except you had blonde hair and you were 3 inches shorter. You’re going to be my wife, meet me in the parking lot if you believe in fate.”
My roommate was with me and thought it was hilarious and wanted me to go meet him. Nope.
Woman: “Looks like you spend a lot of time at the gym.”
Me: “Yeah, I’ve been a powerlifter for 15+ years.”
Woman: “Must be nice to have all that free time.”
Me: “I’m pretty busy, two kids, work, wife, but I find the time.”
Woman: “Yeah, I guess lifting weights is more important than raising your kids.”
Me: “Huh?”
Woman: “Just sayin’, all that time at the gym would be better spent caring for your kids.”
Me: “Lady, I go to the gym during my lunch hour, then again after I put my kids to bed at 8:30, I lift during the times you’re shoving food into your mouth or watching TV.”
A little late, but a few years ago I was at a gas station that is known for having a large number of homeless people hanging around it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw a guy walking towards me making direct eye contact. While I’m preparing to tell him I don’t have any cash, he says to me:
“Hey, man… I just heard on the radio that they caught Lebron and DWade making out on the beach!”
Christmas Eve, standing in line at the last remaining Blockbuster Video in the entire world, this weird older dude holding a baguette cut in line ahead of me. Meh, it’s almost Christmas, so I ignore the cutting, but then he starts talking to me.
Him: “I mow lawns for a living.”
Me: “…” polite nod.
Him: “I go over to cut these people’s lawn and they have these two giant dogs, like a rott and a lab, big a** dogs, and they have sh*t all over the lawn.”
At this point, I’m just staring at him open-mouthed because I’m not used to strange men holding baguettes talking to me about dog sh*t in Blockbuster Video, and apparently, my shock is taken as an encouragement to continue his weird little story.
Him: “So I can’t mow the lawn with all that sh*t on it, so I go around scooping up 20 pounds of dog crap and have nowhere to put it! So I dump it all in this Christmas box I have sitting in the back of my truck and finish my job. Then I go over to the grocery store across the way to buy my baguette and when I get back some a**h*le has stolen my dog sh*t right out of the back of my truck! And now I have to find something else to give my ex-wife for Christmas!”
He then looks around him in surprise and states “Where the f*ck am I? I don’t even know why I’m in here — I’m not buying a video!” And he leaves.
Freshman year of college I was leaning against a wall on Haight Street smoking a cig. It was the middle of the day and the 2 girls I was with had gone into some girly store to shop, so I was doing the manly “lurk outside the store looking bored” thing when a homeless guy walked past. Now homeless people are a common sight in San Francisco so I didn’t think much of him until he spoke to me. He looked right at me and said “Keep leaning against that wall and you’ll turn out just like me man.”
The bum looked exactly like me. I swear on my life it was like looking in a mirror that aged my face 20 years. The guy disappeared into the crowd singing some little song, and I was left standing speechless until my friends came out of the store.
I had a car accident during my freshman year of college. Totaled my car. I was mostly ok, with a few fractured ribs and a lot of cuts and bruises, but my airbag didn’t deploy, so I slammed into the steering wheel, leaving a very impressive half-circle bruise on my chest.
It lasted forever. I wore a lot of scarves to cover it because people tended to stare.
One day though, I was walking downtown and got too warm for the scarf. I took it off while waiting to cross at an intersection. A barefoot, shirtless, heavy bearded homeless man stared at it the entire time I was waiting. Right before I walked away he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “It’ll be ok. Just stay strong. I was once taken, too. They won’t come back, you know. They’re done with you and you’re safe now.”
I’m 99% sure he thought I had been abducted by aliens.
I was working at a newspaper at the time, lady brought in a photo of her daughter because she graduated college or something. We were chatting and she was all “You should take my daughter on a date!” And I responded with a “meh..” and she got instantly pissed off. Seemed like a lot of effort plus she lived like 15 miles away. I can’t be bothered with all that driving, who’s going to feed my cats? I mean I got my own sh*t going on.
“I got kissed by an angel this morning, ” said an old man sitting on a bench.
It turns out that phrase saved my life. Just as I paused to think and laugh at what he said, an SUV lost control of itself and hurtled towards me as I was just about to cross the street. I was able to jump away.
If I didn’t pause, the SUV would have hit me head-on.
In Portland on the tail end of a party weekend. My two friends and I are walking into a grocery store and a homeless man steps in front of my buddy and says, with one of the most awe-inspired faces I have ever seen, “Hey, I remember you. I remember you from the year 1640. You made it, I didn’t think you’d make it.” he proceeded to stare at him mumbling “you made it” as we walked away.
I was too hungover to deal with it and just kept walking. My friend apparently keeps time-traveling homeless people as company whilst Marty McFlyin is around the calendar. Bizarre.
In a bar, I was standing in line waiting to be served by the bartender. Just spacing out, hands in my pockets, waiting for my turn. 2 guys are behind me in line. One comes up to me acting angry and says “Did you steal his wallet?” pointing to his friend. I look around thinking he CAN’T be talking to me. And he repeats himself “Did you take his wallet?”. I said “How could I take his wallet? I have both hands in my pockets and you guys have been standing behind me!?” He replied, “Well you better not try!”. Then they wander off to another part of the bar.
I was at a bookstore, perusing the shelves and texting a friend, when an obnoxious lady started complaining to her daughter…I can’t remember what it was, but something along the lines of how people just spend too much time on their phones. Her daughter came up with the response, “Well, I do that a lot, too.” So I internally roll my eyes and continue to look at the books when I hear a noise coming from somewhere near me. Like ANY OTHER PERSON WOULD DO, I glanced around to see the source of the sounds. Turns out this lady had another daughter, who was very obviously autistic. It took me a brief second to realize who was making the noise and why, so of course I did the polite thing and quickly averted my eyes back to the books as soon as I realized the noises were from an autistic child.
The mom makes sure to exclaim (to no one in particular, though aimed at me), “And if I see someone staring at a child’s name ONE MORE TIME, I’m going to lose it!! You’d think they’d never seen an autistic kid before!” At that point, she was making much more of a scene than her daughter, who obviously couldn’t help it. So she puts an arm around her daughter’s shoulder and says, “That’s right, child’s name, you just hum as loud as you want!”
I have very rarely been so angry at and offended by a stranger in my entire life.
Okay, she didn’t necessarily say this “to me,” but she pretty much did.
I was walking out of a grocery store, carrying my bags. An old man was exiting at the same time and called out to me in a nervous voice.
“E-excuse me, missy. I just wanted to say how lovely it is to see a young woman with long hair like yours. You don’t see it much nowadays and it reminds me of when I was young. I think you’ve got the prettiest hair I’ve ever seen. Don’t mean nothing bad by it, at all, but thank you for reminding me of better days.”
I was a bit startled by this but managed to smile and stammer a thank you for the compliment before he went on to his car. It was just so random to have a stranger say such a thing!
I grew up in the city, and one friend of mine had always been a country boy, so when I invited him down to my ‘hood to hang out he was apprehensive, thinking he was sure to get mugged or something. I thought his nervousness was pretty funny, and got him to come down anyway.
Anyway, we were out at a crowded outdoor shopping area, and he ducked into a store while I took a phone call outside. After a few minutes he hurried back out of the store and whispered, “Dude, we have to go now.”
I asked him what the matter was, and he told me that there was some crazy woman following him around the shop and that he had lost her long enough to sneak out.
“She thinks I’m Leonardo DiCaprio!” he hissed.
“What?” I responded, sure that he was trying to put one over on me. He was blonde and somewhat good-looking, but his resemblance to the actor stopped there.
Before he could answer, a middle-aged woman with wide eyes and a chemical smile stepped out of the shop and made a beeline for us. She approached my friend and stopped a few feet away, as if he had an aura she did not want to cross.
“Oh, you are so beautiful!” she sighed. “It’s such an honor just to breathe the same air as you.”
“I’m not Leonardo DiCaprio,” my friend muttered.
The woman laughed. “Oh, you’re so sweet. Could I just… just touch your hand? Please?”
“We have to go,” I said sternly. “Have a nice day.”
“This is… this is the most wonderful thing…” she said, as we turned and walked briskly toward the crowd. We thought she might follow, but she stayed glued to that spot as if she knew that once she left, her life could only go downhill from there.
We never saw her again, and I could never get my friend to visit me in the city after that day.
I was living with three roommates and our toilet needed fixing one day. The landlords came by and we showed them to the bathroom with the two plumbers they had brought. There were at least six people in this room and one of the plumbers looked at only me and started speaking in Russian to me. I don’t speak Russian. He then says in English, “Oh, you don’t speak Russian?” I replied “No.” He gave me a look and went about his plumbing business.
Okay, that was odd.
Months later – maybe even a year later or more, I was in a shop at a mall and had been discussing some items with a sales clerk. We’d been talking for some time, and she had an accent that sounded Russian. I have an American accent. Toward the end of our conversation, she asks “Have you ever been to Russia?” I reply “No.” Okay, not weird, as she’s from Russia. But then she says, “There’s someone in Russia who looks just like you.”
I’m mildly convinced I’m a sleeper agent or that I have a Russian twin.
I was finishing up my workout at the gym and I just got off the treadmill. I went to go sit down on the bench to take a breather because I was sweating and winded.
Then…this one really pretty, skinny, practically flawless teenage girl comes to sit down next to me. She says “Looks like you worked pretty hard… What are you working so hard for?”
I say, “I want to get abs, I’m working really hard to tone up my legs too.”
She laughs and tells me to not set goals that I can’t reach…
Let me tell you…at this time I wasn’t fat, I looked like a normal girl. But now, a couple of years later, I got abs and muscle mass in all the right places. I look back and that girl gave me the motivation to work harder. Thanks, b*tch.
Bumped into my mom’s acquaintance at a supermarket. I was with my family including my 2-year-old sister at the time (I was around 17). The conversation goes like this:
Mother: hi acquaintance! How are you?
Acquaintance: hi! Is this your family?
Mother: yes, my daughters
Acquaintance: oh, how long has she been with you? (While pointing at me)
Mother: what do you mean?
Acquaintance: your maid? How long has she been working with you?
A random man approached me on the train when I was coming home from school aged around 16. “Can I give you some advice?” me being the meek mouse that I am just nodded. “You need to take your extensions out — they look terrible”
Working at my retail job in a new department when a woman comes up to me:
Lady: “Linda?”
Me: “No, Sorry. There isn’t a Linda in this department.”
Lady: “Oh no? She used to work here when the store first opened. Did she quit?”
This is the point where I started to realize this conversation was going bad. The store had been open for 15 years.
Me: “I haven’t a clue. I’ve only been here 2 years.”
Lady: “Oh? Well, I figured you might have worked with her.” Okay fine. At that rate, it means either this poor lady worked retail for 15 years, or she thinks I was working here at 12. Okay. getting more awkward. I try to smile her off and walk away, but she follows…
Lady: “You know it must be the red hair… Linda had red hair, are you two related.”
Me: “No, I’m sorry… Really, the only other person that’s worked here long is Diana, maybe she’d know.” Then this comes out of her mouth.
Lady: “Oh really? I mean red hair. I figured you had to be related… aren’t all red-haired people related anyway?”
What the Heck?! really? She was being completely serious. She straight-faced stared at me, expecting me to say something. I kind of laughed it off… what’s the sad part of it is my hair is dyed bright red on top of a coppery color and it is very discernable.
A guy at a bar walked up to me suddenly and asked ‘Hey are you that girl whose brother died recently?’ I wasn’t…but what if I was? Not the best opening line either way. I went and told a friend about it and she recognized him as someone who came up to her and a friend at the same bar and his opening line was ‘Excuse me, I’m not attracted to either of you girls at all but I was just wondering if you have ever tried Google Plus?’
I was shopping in a hardware store after work and I kept seeing this older woman staring at me. I was in khakis and a polo, my bus boy “uniform”, and I said, “I don’t work here, but can I help you with something?” She said “I’m sorry, you just look like my son. He passed away some years ago.” Totally f*cking awkward. I think I said something stupid like “Oh, sorry.” She just smiled and went on her way. I ended up in line after her at the checkout. I would have avoided it, but she just appeared out of nowhere and I thought it would have been too awkward to just walk away. She started chatting with me about her son, he was a swimmer and went to Europe on a class trip and he was super fantastic and was killed by a drunk driver the night of his graduation. The line was painfully slow, so she was able to go on forever about him. She was super nice and all, but the way she looked at me was too much. Then she asked me “When I leave, would you please say ‘Bye, Mom?” I was a teenager and it was super weird and I never would agree to something like that now, but I said I would. She finally stopped talking about him as she was being rung up and I just tried to preoccupy myself with looking at the impulse buy stuff they had at the counter so she wouldn’t start up again. As she left she said “Bye, James”, which is not my name and I said “Bye, Mom” and just felt dirty. Well, the cashier rang up my indoor extension cord and cheapo lightbulb adapter and said “$59.87”. I was all, “How are these two things $60?” He said “That includes your mom’s stuff too.” She totally set me up.
I was running late for work. After a full sprint across the parking lot(had to park in the very back, because I was late..) I catch the door to an elevator as it is closing, slam my floor number 700 times and just look generally antsy. I get to my floor, endure some side eyes from my co-workers, and work my day. When I go to leave, I take the same elevator, and a man who was in the elevator when I bum-rushed it that morning, is there again.
He turns to me and says “You look much better than this morning.”
I say “Yeah, sorry about that. I was running late and just wanted this Thursday to be over with. At least tomorrow’s Friday eh?”
He says (and this is the part that stuck with me for the rest of my life) “Yeah maybe, but don’t count yourself safe yet. It’s the last 200 feet to shore where you find the sharks”.
I was working at a movie theatre during college. This was by far one of the most bizarre experiences I’ve ever had with a customer.
A man came up to an employee of mine and asked if he could purchase a hotdog. Nothing out of the ordinary, but this guy seemed.. off. The cashier asked one of the girls behind the counter to get a hotdog ready.
Girl: “Why don’t you make your own hotdog?”
Customer: “It’s ok, you don’t have to be afraid.”
The cashier goes and makes the hotdog.
Customer (to me): “Do you think hotdogs are useless?”
The customer consumes 3/4 of the hotdog in a single bite and says to the girl, “Next time you make a hotdog you will not fear. You will feel it!” Now whispering, “Feel it.”
Then he walks off towards his movie eating the remainder of the hotdog.
Korean wedding halls have become amazing places that are like castles and 5-star hotels at the same time. But back in 1985, they were merely a multi-story building with a common area/dining facility on the first floor and 1 or 2 wedding chapels per floor for the rest of the building.
The hall my bride and I got married in was at least 8 stories tall.
The whole thing had an assembly line feel to it. Get in, get into the dressing rooms, get ready, photos, ceremony, more photos, change clothing, more photos, then head to the assembly hall for the wedding reception.
Her mother said that she’d invited lots and lots of people to the event – so we should expect a lot. I invited family, friends and coworkers. Not many could make it.
After dressing in my all white suit, I had to make a quick trip downstairs to pick up an item my bride forgot, and in doing so I passed through a crowd of people waiting to get into their own assembly line weddings. Of course, being a young American in a white suit, in an area that was overwhelmingly Korean, I drew attention.
The wedding went off very well. The service was in Korean AND in English (they had an English-speaking pastor co-officiate). And of course, there was the traditional bow to your partner at the end.
But what shocked us, what was completely ridiculous, was the number of people in the wedding chapel. The chapel wasn’t small, it seated 400 people comfortably, but it was packed, shoulder-to-shoulder. There were people standing in the back 3 rows deep, and they lined the sides of the chapel too, coming around front where people squatted on their heels in front of the pews.
There were at least 800 people ~ maybe a thousand.
After the wedding, I asked my new wife, “Your mother said there would be a lot of people. Was that your family?”
“No! I don’t know! I’ve never seen those people before!”
But the guest book was about 30 pages long, full of signatures with various forms of Korean for “Cousin” listed under relationship.
It wasn’t until much later that we got the story from her mother. She had invited about 50 people. The rest of the crowd?…
Apparently, everyone at the wedding hall thought that I was an American TV/movie star, and they wanted to see us getting married. They wanted to see a famous American.
I was sitting at a bus stop when I heard some murmuring behind me. I thought it was some creepy guy being a creep so I decided to confront him, asking him to repeat himself. He says, much more clearly and looking at me straight in the eyes:
“Estudio las cosas de la vida, y quiero decirte que todo te va a salir bien.”
Something like, “I study the ways of life, and I’d like to tell you that everything will go well for you.”
And then he went on his way. I smiled all big and told him thank you and to have a wonderful day. It was a strange, yet pleasant encounter.
I was walking through a parking lot of a state fair and obviously looking for my car. I was holding up my car keys trying to press the ‘lock’ button to try and hear a beep out of my car.
Some guy walks past me and says “Hold the key up under your chin, it projects the radio waves better!”
So I did it and pressed the button a few times while looking in different directions.
He turns back and looks and me and says. “Haha, idiot.”
I was arriving for my afternoon bartending shift and I was lucky enough to secure a parking spot right across the street. I locked my car and as I was halfway across I heard that rather unmistakable sound of a car door handle being opened. I turned around to see a very confused man trying to open my car door. I stop in the middle of the street. We make eye contact, he jibbers something to himself and returns to the sidewalk. I go inside and clock in, keeping an eye on him through the window.
When I come back out he is sitting at my bar, kind of rocking himself back and forth. Here’s a brief synopsis of our conversation.
Me: “What can I get you?”
Him: [No Response]
Me: “Hey buddy, can I get you something to drink?”
Him: “Yeah man, can I come back there [behind the bar] for a second?”
Me: “Um….what? No.”
Him: “It’s ok, I just want to touch those green taps.”
Me:” You what…”
Him: “And those bottles, those ones there and there… I just want to touch them, it’s ok just the green ones.”
He is pointing to a green bottle of Jameson I have on the counter and surveying the rest of the bar. His eyes fall on my green shirt. We lock eyes, my stare a mixture of annoyance and confusion.
Me: [through gritted teeth] “Get out.”
We called the police who came to escort him away and instead of going quietly, he proceeded to run down the sidewalk touching every green lamppost. The officers tackled him to the ground. As it turned out he had taken an amazing amount of mushrooms and had convinced himself that the only way to get back to normal was to touch things that were green. I drive a green car.
Yesterday while standing in line to get a coffee this happened:
Strange Man Behind Me In Line: Excuse me, Miss?
Me: Pardon? (I was intensely keeping an eye on a strawberry apple muffin)
Strange Man: Don’t you have money for nice clothes?
Me: (taking a step back) Excuse me?
Strange Man: Well, it’s just that your coat is so ugly.
Me: I’m sorry, are you insulting a stranger on a Saturday morning? What the f*ck is wrong with you? (cue me giving the owner/friend of mine a WTF look)
Strange Man: I thought I was helping you (with a super serious face on)
Me: Your idea of “help” is my reason for not procreating.
The coat in question is a very Whovian brown wool trench coat I enjoy wearing in the cold months because it’s practically waterproof, warm and covers most of me. I don’t wear it to look pretty. It’s practical. And, yes, slightly geeky.
Working a company booth at the Tribeca Film Festival street fair last year. We had a HUGE castle built out of cardboard boxes for the kids to play in free organic lollipops for people, and a drawing to win a free move.
Lady walks up to me and asks if she can ask me something. I’m expecting a question about moving, so I say sure. The conversation is as follows:
Lady: What do you use on your skin?
Me: Sorry?
Lady: Because your skin is terrible (Note: yes, I know it is, I have a skin disorder that leaves me with awful acne-type scarring. fairly deep and noticeable, but I’m used to it)
Me: Um, well, I don’t really think that’s something we should discuss, but if you have any questions about moving —
Lady (cutting me off): Listen, sweetie, you’re a pretty girl but you need to do something about that skin or you’ll die single. Try (insert skincare stuff here), or even try baby oil! It really helps!
Me: errrrrrrrr…………….. (at this point I was totally embarrassed because she was YELLING this to me)
Lady: I expect to see you back here next year with perfect skin, young lady, or I’ll be forced to take matters into my own hands
At this point, the GRABS MY FACE and squeezes my cheeks (I do have chipmunk cheeks, they are very pinchable. Ask my older relatives).
I pulled away and told her that was totally inappropriate, but I appreciated her advice (I didn’t want her calling my boss to complain, even though it’s totally not work-related, because I was in charge of the booth and wanted to do a good job). She then took 6 bags of lollipops (it was one per customer, most people were good about it) and strolled away.
I literally stood there dumbfounded for about 5 minutes. What the f*ck, lady?
I work at a bar, so strangers saying weird things to me is not uncommon. One girl took the cake though.
It was a pretty slow night and this young lady happened to sit at the bar next to two of my coworkers who had just gotten off work. The four of us proceed to talk normally for a little until the woman tells me she is an “energy healing shaman.”
Me: “Ohh.”
I deserved an Oscar for the performance that followed. I managed to not laugh in her face and instead acted really interested and got her to tell me more. These are the things she told me that night.
She is actually an Earth Angel, a Very Important Person. She has had her duty for many lives.
She is also the first and last seal from the book of Revelation.
She is going to Ethiopia this winter because she knows where the Ark of the Covenant is. She will bring it back with her and reunite Jews and Christians.
It turns out every religion is partly right but a lot wrong. Jesus really is important to being saved but not necessarily for an afterlife.
She was once abducted by aliens but was saved by Jesus Christ himself. In his spaceship.
I work at a gas station, so already I meet a lot of weird and interesting people. This lady walks into the store with a huge sun hat on and goes to look at the newspapers for a few minutes. She then comes up to my register and looks me in the eyes.
Her: “How can you remain so calm and collected all the time?”
Me: “I’m not sure what you mean…?”
Her: “I just wonder how you are so relaxed all the time, nothing seems to phase you and you just have this calming effect”
Me: “I just take people as they are and don’t take anything personally”
Her: “I wish I had the ability to do that, I wish I could learn that”
Me: “Yeah? Just do it.”
Then she just smiled, bought her paper, and left. I dunno, it was just a weird encounter.
