Home Habits that Lead to Higher Divorce Rates

Shannon Quinn - April 29, 2021
When one person never does the dishes, it’s incredibly frustrating. Credit: Shutterstock

2. Not Doing the Dishes

There is an amazing article called “She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By the Sink” by Matthew Fray. He talks about how he used to leave his mess behind for his wife to clean up. While he was married, he felt like his wife was unreasonable. He felt like she was trying to force him to care about a clean house as much as she did. But it wasn’t until after their divorce that he realized his behavior was a blatant lack of respect towards her. “She didn’t want to be my mother. My wife wanted to be my partner, and she wanted me to apply all of my intelligence and learning capabilities to the logistics of managing our lives and household.”

If you’re having arguments in your marriage over household duties, I highly recommend reading that article. Matt goes over both his mindset, as well as his wife’s mindset. Arguments often occur when we don’t understand the other person’s perspective. Oftentimes, it’s not even about the dishes. It’s about a perception of disrespect and a lack of love. “The wife doesn’t want to divorce her husband because he leaves used drinking glasses by the sink. She wants to divorce him because she feels like he doesn’t respect or appreciate her, which suggests he doesn’t love her, and she can’t count on him to be her lifelong partner.”

People are more concerned with respect than housework. Credit: Shutterstock

1. Most Fights Over Housework Isn’t Really About the Housework

Last and certainly not least is that most these household habits and fights that lead to divorce are not actually about the cleaning itself. It’s about the power struggle, and lack of respect in the marriage. In the end, a man who loves a woman will swallow his pride and masculinity if it means doing something for the one he loves. Just look at the fathers who will agree to sit down to their daughter’s tea party. Do you think they enjoy doing that girly stuff? Not really. But their daughter does. And that’s all that matters. So why can’t you show that same love and respect to your partner?

If one partner can’t relate to the emotions of the other, it’s really difficult for them to get on the same page. When one person thinks the other is irrational for wanting something clean, it’s a problem. And when one person feels disrespected by the other for making a mess, it’s a problem. At the end of the day, it’s really about so much more than house work. When your partner brings up a problem, don’t automatically brush it off as nit-picking. Really listen to them, and consider going to counseling if you want to save your marriage.